Boner of the Day

Boner of the Day for December 20th, 2019

ROUND ONE

Boner Candidate #1: SANTA’S LITTLE VANDALS

SALT LAKE CITY – Police are searching for vandals responsible for shattering windows on more than a dozen cars, creating thousands of dollars in damages. “I come out, the hole was about this big with damage,” Kelsi Christensen said as she waved her hand over a large section of her now plastic-covered rear windshield. “Someone could just break into my car, it’s just a piece of plastic covering it,” she continued. Kelsi is just one of more than a dozen Salt Lake residents who are left to pick up the shattered pieces, after vandals smashed car windows along 900 East and throughout The Avenues Tuesday night. “I have to find a way to repair it, the repair place is booked out,” Kelsi said. “And four hundred dollars, because deductible’s 500, so just out of your pocket there goes money that you didn’t plan for.” With Christmas around the corner, you can probably imagine how she’s feeling.  “I was pissed,” she said. The thing is, she isn’t alone. Read More

Boner Candidate #2: WORK SEX

Have a thing for your married boss? A steamy supply-room hookup might not be so far-flung, thanks to a racy new dating service called Affair at Work. Launched last month, the Web site is designed to help married and taken employees “safely” cheat on their partners at the office. Here’s how it works: A wannabe cheater heads to the site’s homepage, where he or she can log in through an Instagram account, enter a co-worker crush’s handle and e-mail address, as well as his or her own. Then, the potential flame receives an e-mail declaring, “A co-worker wants to have an affair with you.” If they choose to go to the site — and happen to enter the other person’s Instagram handle and e-mail address — the two-timers get an e-mail breaking the good (?) news. “You both requested an affair with each other. Enjoy!” the service cheerily declares, along with their Instagram handles. That way, “you’ll know they’re into it before you even make a move,” the site’s founder, Mike, tells The Post. Read More

Boner Candidate #3: BUS SEX

Manchester, ENGLAND — A UK couple decided to get jiggy with it on a bus passing by a school, as seen in a video of their randy ride which caused the pair to be shamed by social media masses. The raunchy romp occurred Tuesday afternoon on a bus riding through Prestwich, Manchester. Gas engineer John Paul Dolan, who was in a van with friends at the time, said he noticed “movement” in his peripherals on the bus just above an ad for “Frozen 2.” Upon closer inspection, he saw the salacious strap-bangers “vigorously” making love on the upper deck of the bus — in full view of passersby. “It was mad, very strange,” Dolan, who captured photos and video, told the Mirror. The caught-on-camera tryst depicts a woman blatantly mounting her partner in front of other passengers as the bus travels down the street. Despite initially finding the stunt funny, Dolan said he changed his mind after realizing the vehicle was headed toward a high school. He even posted the clip to social media to shame the exhibitionists, which he said has garnered 60,000 views and an outpouring of outraged responses. Read More

ROUND TWO

Boner Candidate #1: WOW MAN, THAT’S CRAZY

WOODS CROSS — A driver raised concerns Wednesday about a video showing a crossing arm down on top of a school bus as a FrontRunner train rumbled past. Blake Walker said he pulled up to the crossing near 1100 North and 1100 West Wednesday afternoon and couldn’t believe what he saw. “I was like, ‘wow, man, like that’s crazy!’” Walker recalled. ”I knew there were kids on that bus and whatnot. He didn’t really have a chance to back up or anything and I was like kind of like scared for them, to be honest.” Walker began to record on his phone and soon heard the horn of the approaching train. “Oh no!” he could be heard exclaiming in the video. Moments later, the train blew past the bus as Walker could be heard gasping for air. “It zoomed right past them,” Walker said. “I know if my kid was on that bus, I would be freaking out right now.” Davis School District spokesman Chris Williams said the bus driver acknowledged that the crossing arm had come down on top of the school bus. Read More

Boner Candidate #2: A DOMESTIC TERRORIST

State Rep. Matt Shea planned and participated in domestic terrorism against the United States before and during the armed takeover at Malheur National Wildlife Refuge, an investigation commissioned by the Washington state House found. The 108-page report found that beginning in November 2015, Shea, working with militia leader Ammon Bundy, helped “in the planning and preparation” of the Malheur takeover, a six-week conflict in which dozens of armed protesters occupied the refuge in rural Eastern Oregon. The standoff ended after one protester was shot and killed and dozens were arrested. “Representative Shea, as a leader in the Patriot Movement, planned, engaged in and promoted a total of three armed conflicts of political violence against the United States Government in three states outside the state of Washington over a three-year period,” according to the report released Thursday. “In one conflict Representative Shea led covert strategic pre-planning in advance of the conflict.” Immediately after the report was released, Rep. J.T. Wilcox, the Republican minority leader of the House, said Shea “has been suspended from any role in the House Republican Caucus.” Read More

Boner Candidate #3: BIBLE BURNER

Bismarck, ND — A North Dakota man has been arrested for soaking a Bible in lighter fluid and setting it aflame in order to create a diversion in an attempt to steal goods. Andrew Ells, 27, confessed to cops that he wore a disguise including “a camouflage balaclava” to torch the Bible in the store’s gardening section, a probable cause affidavit obtained by The Smoking Gun shows. Security video viewed by law enforcement shows Ells disappear behind boxes in the gardening section before the fire starts. He then fled through an emergency exit. Ells reportedly had the Bible with him when he arrived at the store, the Bismarck Tribune reported. No explanation was given as to why he chose to burn a Bible to cause the distraction, or if he was actually able to make off with any goods. The bible was only “partially burned” and nobody was injured, the affidavit said. Walmart store manager Charley Lorenz estimated $300,000 worth of merchandise was lost due to smoke damage. Ells was arrested at 4 a.m. on Monday and was charged with two felony counts — one for arson and another for endangering by fire or explosion, the Tribune reported. Read More


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