ROUND ONE
BONER CANDIDATE #1: IT WAS NOT THE SWITCH NINTENDO INTENDED
They pulled a real bait-and-“switch.” A handful of Amazon customers who ordered Nintendo Switches on Black Friday were surprised to find condoms, batteries and other strange products at their doorsteps, according to reports. The International Business Times reported that at least 12 people in the U.K. seeking the video game system, home to Super Mario, Zelda and other beloved characters, were affected by the Mushroom Kingdom mix-up. One online shopper, Viki Carpenter, received comfy linens instead of the popular gaming console, according to the Mirror. ”Ordered a Nintendo switch for our son for Christmas, delivery today and in the box is a bedsheet we never ordered,” she wrote. Read More
BONER CANDIDATE #2: HOW COME YOU GUYS NEVER NOMINATE ANY DEMOCRATS?
A Pennsylvania state lawmaker said this week that she plans to resign after prosecutors announced a number of corruption charges against her, alleging she used $500,000 from her own charity to fund a slew of personal expenses — including fur coats, vacations and her campaign. Pennsylvania state Rep. Movita Johnson-Harrell, a Democrat, was charged Wednesday with eight crimes connected to the scandal, including theft, perjury and record tampering. Prosecutors say she spent years siphoning the money from her charity, Motivations Education & Consultation Associates, which was created to “serve the mentally ill and drug-addicted poor,” in order to enrich herself. In a letter sent Thursday to Pennsylvania House Speaker Mike Turzai and provided to CNN, Johnson-Harrell said she plans to resign from the body effective December 13 and defend herself against the accusations. “While I dispute many of the allegations lodged against me, I accept responsibility for some missteps made before I became an elected official,” she wrote, adding that she will “survive these charges.” Read More
BONER CANDIDATE #3: HAIL SATAN! HAIL SATAN!
A Florida woman was forced to change her shirt praising Beelzebub on a recent flight. Swati Runi Goyal, 49, was flying from Key West to Las Vegas the day before Halloween wearing a black shirt with the text “HAIL SATAN” in all-caps, Buzzfeed News first reported. The shirt also included the text “Est. 666” and an upside-down cross, a picture shows. Goyal was seated with her husband on the flight when an American Airlines crew member told her to remove the offensive shirt or get off the plane — delaying the flight until she swapped into an extra shirt her husband was wearing. “The gentleman asked me if I understood what ‘offensive’ meant,” Goyal told The Post. “I said, ‘I’m a foreign-born minority woman. I know what my T-shirt means and my T-shirt is not offensive.’” Goyal said she is both an atheist and a member of the Satanic Temple — and bought the shirt to support the non-theistic church. Read More
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ROUND TWO
BONER CANDIDATE #1: HE WAS IN A HURRY, WHAT ELSE WAS HE TO DO?
A Florida man was arrested this week after punching another Walmart customer because they were talking too long at the retail outlet’s checkout, police say. Henry Junior Harvey, 69, was detained in the early hours of yesterday morning and charged with battery in relation to an incident that took place at roughly 7:15 p.m. on Wednesday inside the Neighborhood Walmart on Pine Island Road, media outlet WFTX reported. Cape Coral police said Harvey was in a queue for the register with his wife when he became angry that the customers in front were not moving fast enough. He allegedly punched a victim on the head following an argument. There were no serious injuries. Read More
BONER CANDIDATE #2: MAYBE HE WAS SOMEONE’S SUPPORT SCORPION
A woman has been stung by a scorpion while travelling on a United Airlines flight from San Francisco to Atlanta. The woman says she felt a stinging sensation on her leg during the flight on Thursday morning. When she went to the toilet, the scorpion fell out of her trousers and scuttled away. The passenger was treated by paramedics before being taken to hospital, the airline told the BBC. She has not been named and her condition is not known. “After learning that one of our customers on flight 1554 from San Francisco to Atlanta was stung during flight, our crew responded immediately and consulted with a MedLink physician on the ground who provided medical guidance,” the airline said in a statement. Read More
BONER CANDIDATE #3: AN EXTREME SOLUTION
Police officers in Milton-Freewater responded to a shooting Wednesday night after a man was allegedly robbed. However, an investigation reportedly found the man actually shot himself. According to the Milton-Freewater Police Department, officers responded at 9:08 PM when a woman called saying an unidentified masked man entered the backyard of a residence and shot her husband Johnson Le. MFPD says the investigation found Le had suffered from a self-inflicted gunshot wound to his arm. An ambulance transported him to St. Mary Hospital in Walla Walla for nonlife-threatening injuries. Read More
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