Boners

Boner of the Day for February 12, 2021

ROUND ONE

Boner Candidate #1: NO, I DONT THINK WE’LL DO THAT

The alleged organizers of a Halloween party in Utah County that didn’t enforce masks or social distancing as COVID-19 cases were spiking are asking the public to help them pay fines and legal fees they accrued as a result. Eric Little of Sandy and Tanner Valerio of Bluffdale, the owners of party company The Tribe Utah, were each issued $10,000 fines by the Utah County Health Department for the party. The company got its own $10,000 fine. Samuel Nii, co-owner of party company Young and Dumb LLC, received $10,000 fines for himself and his company. Branden Estrada, who police allege was working as a DJ at the event, also got a $10,000 fine. The four men were charged with misdemeanors by the Utah County Attorney’s Office in addition to the fines.

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Boner Candidate #2: WOMEN MAKE OUR MEETINGS TOO LONG

TOKYO — Yoshiro Mori, president of the Tokyo Olympic organizing committee, resigned on Friday, a little over a week after he unleashed a firestorm by suggesting that women talk too much in meetings. His resignation followed unrelenting international criticism of his sexist remarks, which presented another challenge to Japan’s efforts to carry off the postponed Games amid a raging pandemic. No successor was named. At a news conference Friday evening, Toshiro Muto, chief executive of the organizing committee, said a selection committee would be formed to choose a new president “as soon as possible.” Mr. Mori, who is 83 and a former prime minister of Japan, had made the offensive remarks after an executive meeting on Feb. 3 of the Japanese Olympic Committee. During the session, which was streamed online, he addressed efforts to increase female representation on the panel by expressing worries that meetings would drag on as women vied against each other to speak the longest.

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Boner Candidate #3: CAUSE YOU GOT TO KEEP YOUR WOMAN IN LINE

A bill introduced in the Tennessee General Assembly this week would allow a man who gets a woman pregnant to request an injunction barring her from having an abortion. The legislation, SB0494 in the Senate and HB1079 in the House, would require a court hearing to be held within 14 days of a petition being filed by the individual seeking an injunction. At the hearing, if the man can prove that he is the biological father and that there is a “reasonable probability” that the woman would obtain an abortion, the court shall issue an injunction prohibiting her from terminating the pregnancy. Proof of parenthood requires only that the petitioner acknowledges paternity. A DNA test is not required. If the woman violates the injunction by obtaining an abortion, the court may hold her in civil or criminal contempt. There are no exceptions for rape or incest.

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ROUND TWO

Boner Candidate #1: WE CAN’T BE TELLING KIDS THAT NO MEANS NO

Despite chronic struggles with sexual violence in Utah, lawmakers in the state have rejected legislation that would have changed the state’s health education curriculum to teach consent and prevent unwanted sexual behavior. The legislation, called HB177, was defeated by Utah’s house education committee by a vote of 7-4. The bill’s defeat was part of a larger conservative pushback across America. Some politicians argue, wrongly, that consent instruction teaches students it is OK to have sex, said Jennifer Driver, senior director of reproductive rights at the State Innovation Exchange.

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Boner Candidate #2: SHOOTIN’ STUFF IS FUN

WASHINGTON COUNTY, Mo. — The Missouri Department of Conservation is hoping someone knows who shot a symbol of our nation in the greater St. Louis area. Last Friday, the U.S. Forest Service Office in Potosi called conservation agent Jaymes Hall in Washington County about a bald eagle that was injured and needed help near Belgrade in the southern part of the county. Hall responded to Highways C and Z and found the eagle. It was lying in a field near a nest, where its mate was perched. He was able to capture it and take it to the World Bird Sanctuary in St. Louis County for treatment.

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Boner Candidate #3: KEEP YOUR DAMN NOSE OUT OF THIS TED

Senator Ted Cruz has come to the defense of conservative actress Gina Carano, after Disney fired her from the cast of The Mandalorian over her controversial social media posts. ‘Texan Gina Carano broke barriers in the Star Wars universe: not a princess, not a victim, not some emotionally tortured Jedi,’ Cruz tweeted on Thursday. ‘She played a woman who kicked a** & who girls looked up to. She was instrumental in making Star Wars fun again. Of course Disney canceled her.’ It came as Disney announced on Thursday that its young streaming service had hit a record 94.9 million subscribers, exceeding expectations — but now the company faces growing calls for a boycott over Carano’s firing.

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