Boners

Boner of the Day for February 17th, 2021

ROUND ONE

Boner Candidate #1: POWER IS OUT BECAUSE YOU ARE LAZY

A Texas mayor has resigned over controversial social media posts that called his constituents lazy for complaining about power outages, according to a report. Colorado City Mayor Tom Boyd announced his resignation Tuesday hours after he received backlash for his long Facebook rant, according to KTXS-TV. “No one owes you or your family anything; nor is it the local governments responsibility to support you during trying times like this! Sink or swim, it’s your choice!” he wrote. “The City and County, along with power providers or any other service owes you NOTHING!” “If you have no water you deal with out and think outside of the box to survive and supply water to your family,” he added. “If you were sitting at home in the cold because you have no power and are sitting there waiting for someone to come rescue you because your lazy is direct result of your raising!”

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Boner Candidate #2: I WILL GET THEM TO PLOW OUR ROAD

Ukraine — A Ukrainian man reported a fictitious murder in the hope that police would clear his snow-covered road when they came to arrest him. The man called police on Saturday evening to tell them he had killed his mother’s partner by stabbing him in the chest. “But at the same time he immediately warned the police that they should come to him along with a snow plow, because there is no other way to get to him,” A police spokeswoman stated. She said officers did not take a snow plow and were able to get to the man’s house in an SUV.

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Boner Candidate #3: NEXT THING YA KNOW WE’LL HAVE TO GET RID OF ANIMAL MASCOTS

A resolution that would have encouraged Utah schools to retire any Native American mascots failed to pass in the House on Tuesday after several conservative state lawmakers spoke out against it — with one questioning whether they were being too sensitive and if animal mascots would next be considered too controversial. “I’m not trying to directly compare the two,” said Majority Leader Francis Gibson, R-Mapleton. “But will we have PETA [People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals] arguing against that as well?” Some legislators shook their heads at the comment. One gasped. Rep. Elizabeth Weight, D-West Valley City and the sponsor of the resolution, tried to respond but was not allowed to, based on the rules for House proceedings.

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ROUND TWO

Boner Candidate #1: LARRY KUDLOW YOU ARE A PEACH

Former Trump economic adviser Larry Kudlow was caught on a hot-mic shouting profanely about Vice President Kamala Harris’ recent comments on the federal government’s coronavirus vaccine distribution plan. Kudlow joined Sandra Smith and John Roberts on America Reports Tuesday to talk about the launch of his weekday show on Fox Business — which bows at 4 p.m. this afternoon. As Smith closed out the segment, she aired footage from HBO Axios’ interview with Harris, in which, the vice president said the Biden administration was “starting from scratch” with their vaccine strategy.

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Boner Candidate #2: FACE DIAPERS ARE NOT REQUIRED

HILLSBOROUGH COUNTY, Fla. — A restaurant in Florida has gone viral after posting a photo of its sign that tells customers “face diapers not required.” BeckyJack’s Food Shack made the post on Valentine’s Day. It says: “Howdy Folks! Happy Valentine’s Day A friendly reminder that we DO NOT require Face Masks.We’re open from 12 -8 today.~The Shack Family” The post has been commented on by thousands, receiving both negative and positive feedback. WFLA reports that owner Jesse Fox said the post was made to “be proactive letting everybody know what the mask requirement is or isn’t at Beckyjack’s because some people were coming in they were surprised that we weren’t wearing masks.” He said masks are not required in his county and that he’s following CDC guidelines that healthy people don’t need to wear a mask.

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Boner Candidate #3: BECAUSE OUR UTAH LEGISLATORS ARE PETTY, PETULENT CHILDRED

Lingering upset over the 2020 election leaked onto the Utah House floor Tuesday afternoon as Republicans watered down a resolution seeking to recognize the success of the 2020 election, removing a section praising the use of mail-in ballots in Utah. The original version of HCR11 from Rep. Joel Briscoe, D-Salt Lake City, touted the highest voter turnout in recent Utah election history and gave much of the credit to the use of mail-in balloting, which has been the norm in Utah for several elections. But, suspicion of mail-in voting was the subject of baseless claims of voter fraud from former President Donald Trump and many of his supporters. For instance, there were misleading claims that vote-by-mail was less secure than in-person voting or that mail ballots were being cast for voters who had died.

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