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Boner of the Day for February 19th, 2019

Round 1

Candidate #1: A RACIST AND A THIEF

A trailer lies off to the side of the road in front of a home after it was washed away by a flash flood along Jordan Creek in 2016 in Elkview, West Virginia. Getty Images A former West Virginia nonprofit director who called Michelle Obama an “ape in heels” pleaded guilty to defrauding the Federal Emergency Management Agency out of thousands of dollars. Pamela Taylor admitted to falsely registering for over $18,000 in FEMA disaster relief for a 2016 flood which was among the deadliest in West Virginia history, according to the Department of Justice. Taylor claimed that her primary residence was damaged by the flood forcing her to stay in a rental. However, her primary residence was undamaged by the flood and she still lived there. She agreed to pay restitution of $18,149.04 as a part of her plea agreement. She faces up to 30 years in prison and a fine of up to $500,000 when she is sentenced in May.

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Candidate #2: I JUST WANTED TO SEE WHAT SHE WOULD DO. YA KNOW? LIKE IT WAS A JOKE, KIND OF.

A 60-year-old man is facing a felony charge after he left pictures of his penis on a woman’s car parked at a Layton Walmart. Timothy James Odell was charged in Second District Court with distribution of pornography, a third-degree felony. According to Layton Police, on the morning of Jan. 26, Odell placed two rolled-up papers inside the door handle of a woman’s car, which was parked at the Walmart at at 1356 E. Highway 193. When the woman returned to the car, she opened the papers and discovered pictures of a penis. According to a probable cause statement, she told police she felt “violated” and that she was “afraid that the suspect was stalking her.”

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Candidate #3: OOOPSIE DAISIE

 Police say a man who had just robbed a bank in Maine ran across four lanes of traffic and a restaurant parking lot before slipping on ice and dropping his gun and the money in front of a state police special agent. Waterville Police Chief Joseph Massey tells the Morning Sentinel a gust of wind swept the greenbacks across the parking lot while the man was apprehended Tuesday. The special agent, Glenn Lang, had no idea a bank had just been robbed. But he was suspicious enough to get out of his car and tackle the man.
Police say the man was handcuffed and hauled off to jail. The weapon turned out to be a BB gun.

Round 2

Candidate #1: STRING ‘EM UP

Members of the Ku Klux Klan wear white hoods and robes as they march in single file around a town square. A newspaper editor in a small Alabama town is hearing it from critics after publishing an inflammatory editorial calling for the KKK to “ride again.” (AP)
Democratic Alabama Senator Doug Jones called for a newspaper editor to resign after publishing a “disgust..racist, hateful” editorial in which he called for the Ku Klux Klan to return to the state. “OMG! What rock did this guy crawl out from under? This editorial is absolutely disgusting & he should resign -NOW! I have seen what happens when we stand by while people-especially those with influence- publish racist, hateful views. Words matter. Actions matter. Resign now!,” Senator Jones tweeted Monday. Last week, longtime Democrat-Reporter publisher and editor Goodloe Sutton wrote an editorial that called for “the Ku Klux Klan to ride again.”

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Candidate #2: COWBOY PINBALL IN KENTUCKY

The game of “Cowboy Pinball” seems like it could use some rethinking. (Getty Images)
One angry bull, 23 volunteers not allowed to run and a $100 prize. What could go wrong?
As the spectators of the 2019 “Bull Bash!” rodeo event at Owensboro, Kentucky, learned Saturday night, a game called “Cowboy Pinball” was a recipe for mayhem, per the Owensboro Times.

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Candidate #3: THOSE MIDDLE SCHOOL STUDENTS IN KENTUCKY A TOO SMART ANYWAY.

Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-SC) speculated Sunday that middle schoolers in Kentucky who would otherwise benefit from Defense Department funds for school construction would be better off should that money be used for a border wall instead. Trump administration officials have said that, because President Donald Trump declared a national emergency on Friday, already-appropriated money designated for military construction will be available to build a wall on the southern border instead. CBS “Face The Nation” host Margaret Brennan asked Graham about the trade-off in an interview Sunday. “Aren’t you concerned that some of these projects, that were part of legislation that you helped approve in Congress, are now going to be possibly cut out?” she asked. Graham said the choice of which DOD funds to use was Trump’s, not his, but, should the military middle school construction project get the ax, “I would say it’s better for the middle school kids in Kentucky to have a secure border.” “We’ll get them the school they need, but right now we’ve got a national emergency on our hands,” he added.

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