ROUND ONE
BONER CANDIDATE #1: CAUTION: CORONAVIRUS
Police are seeking the public’s help after a suspect allegedly sprayed Lysol on multiple products in a Joliet Walmart. Just after 4 p.m. Monday, authorities were dispatched to the Walmart on the 1400 block of Route 59 on a report of two suspects who entered the store. One of the suspects put on a yellow medical mask and began spraying Lysol on produce, clothing and other items, according to police. The masked suspect also had a sign on his back that stated “Caution I have the Coronavirus,” police said. Read More
BONER CANDIDATE #2: DID YA GET THAT THING I SENT YA?
An Ohio man is pondering what to do with the 55,000 duplicate statements addressed to his home by a student loan company. Dan Cain said he was suspicious when a postal worker in Twinsburg, Ohio, told him recently that his mail wouldn’t fit through the front door of the office. When Cain drove his truck around to the back of the building, he found a postal worker wheeling out two large bins of letters, WOIO-TV reported. It turned out that there were a total of 79 bins of the letters, and it took Cain two trips to deliver them to the garage of his family’s home in the city roughly 25 miles (40 kilometers) southeast of Cleveland. Officials from College Ave Student Loans said in an email that it apologized for the error in its mailing system and was putting corrective measures in place to prevent it from happening in the future. “We are working with Dan directly on a remedy, including picking up the mail from him if possible and a statement credit for the inconvenience,” the company’s chief operating officer, Tim Staley, said. “I just hope it doesn’t happen again,” Cain said. “I might just have to return to sender.” Read More
BONER CANDIDATE #3: I KNOW WHY RAND PAUL’S NEIGHBOR BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF HIM
Sen. Rand Paul read aloud the name of the alleged whistleblower who first raised alarms about President Donald Trump’s conduct toward Ukraine. And most Republicans didn’t seem to care. After being denied by Chief Justice John Roberts last week, Paul used a period reserved for senators’ impeachment speeches to read aloud the name of an intelligence community official alleged to be the whistleblower. “They made a big mistake not allowing my question. My question did not talk about anybody who is a whistleblower, my question did not accuse anybody of being whistleblower, it did not make a statement believing that someone was a whistleblower. I simply named two people’s names because I think it’s very important to know what happened,” Paul said on the floor. It’s the type of move that might have prompted a backlash from within his own party not too long ago, and several senators said they would not have done it. But after three weeks of the impeachment trial and with Trump’s firm grip over the party, there was little blowback from his colleagues on Tuesday. Read More
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ROUND TWO
BONER CANDIDATE #1: SOMETIMES IT’S BETTER TO JUST NOT SAY WHAT’S ON YOUR MIND
A high school principal in Washington has apologized for a post on her personal Facebook page that suggested former NBA star Kobe Bryant’s death was deserved. Liza Sejkora, the principal of Camas High School, wrote on the day of Bryant’s death: “Not gonna lie. Seems to me that karma caught up with a rapist today.” She later deleted the post and apologized Monday in a written statement that called her words “inappropriate and tasteless,” The Columbian newspaper reported Tuesday. The former Los Angeles Lakers star, his daughter Gianna and seven others were killed in a Jan. 26 helicopter crash in California. Bryant was accused in 2003 of raping a 19-year-old employee at a Colorado resort. Prosecutors dropped a felony sexual assault charge at the accuser’s request. The woman later filed a civil suit against Bryant that was settled out of court. Sejkora, the high school principal, said in a message to families Monday that she wanted “to apologize for suggesting that a person’s death is deserved. It was inappropriate and tasteless.” She also apologized for the disruption her post caused at school and referred to it as “a personal, visceral reaction.” Read More
BONER CANDIDATE #2: BAG FULL OF DRUGS
Two men charged with drug trafficking could have done a better job hiding their wares than using a package labeled “Bag Full of Drugs,” Florida authorities said. Ian Simmons and Joshua Reinhardt, both 34, were pulled over in Santa Rosa County on Saturday after a trooper clocked them going 95 mph (153 kph) on Interstate 10 on the state’s Panhandle, according to a Florida Highway Patrol arrest report. The trooper determined that Reinhardt was the subject of an active felony warrant for violation of probation in Orange County. He requested backup. A Santa Rosa County Sheriff’s deputy arrived to assist, and a K-9 alerted to the presence of contraband in the vehicle, the arrest report said. Authorities found approximately 75 grams of methamphetamine, 1.36 kilograms of the date-rape drug GHB, 1 gram of cocaine, 3.6 grams of fentanyl, 15 MDMA tablets and drug paraphernalia. Both men were taken into custody and taken to jail. They are charged with trafficking in methamphetamine and GHB, three counts of possession of a controlled substance, and possession of drug paraphernalia. Read More
BONER CANDIDATE #3: BACK SEAT ONLY
An Uber driver in Phoenix was not only offended when one of his passengers called him the N-word, but he was also appalled when he found out the passenger was a CEO and in a position of power. The driver, Randy Clarke, takes pride in his Uber rides. “Inside the car, I got two iPads for games and music,” Clarke said. “You got the drinks, the snacks, super clean.” Clarke has been driving for more than four years and has completed more than 14,000 rides. The 25-year-old has a nearly perfect driver rating on the Uber app. But one ride in 2018 changed everything. “I was sexually assaulted,” Clarke said. “He was drunk, grabbed my crotch. I said, ‘Whoa, you can’t be doing that’ and ended the ride.” The assault is the reason why Clarke now has signs on the inside and outside of his car that ask passengers to sit in the back seat unless they’re part of a party of three or more people. But on Friday night, a rider tried to hop in the front seat. Clarke asked the passenger to move and explained that he prefers passengers to sit in the back. The argument quickly escalated. “Are you f***ing serious with me?” the passenger asked, according to the video. Clarke offered to cancel the ride and refund the passenger, which both men agreed to. But the passenger in the front hoped in his back seat. With the ride already canceled, Clarke asked the passenger to get out of the car. “Is it because I’m White? And you’re a f****ing n******? You are a f***ing idiot,” the passenger said, according to the video. “I was in shock. And I shamelessly felt like laughing because I did not know this was real,” Clarke said. “It’s not just any word.” Clarke quickly filed a complaint with Uber but had a gut feeling the passenger was a person with some power. “Something told me inside that this man is probably a business owner,” he said. Clarke did some digging and determined it was Hans Berglund, founder and CEO of AgroPlasma — an organic fertilizer company based in Tempe. “This man probably is employing people of color,” Clarke said, concerned by the blatant racism he displayed to a complete stranger in a matter of seconds. When contacted by reporters, Berglund apologized for his comments. “I deeply regret and apologize for the hurtful and derogatory language I used during the altercation with Mr. Clarke,” Berglund said in a statement. “I firmly believe that there is no excuse for the use of racial slurs under any circumstance, so I will not offer any. It is my sincere hope that Mr. Clarke hears and accepts my apology and believes me when I say it is honest and heartfelt.” Read More
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