ROUND ONE
Boner Candidate #1: IT SHOULD BE AGAINST THE LAW TO MAKE WHITE PEOPLE FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE.
Gov. Ron DeSantis of Florida is pushing a bill which would prohibit making white people uncomfortable. This applies to schools teaching history, and businesses training employees to be more inclusive. In response to the bill, state Sen. Shevrin Jones said: “At no point did anyone say white people should be held responsible for what happened, but what I would ask my white counterparts is, are you an enabler of what happened or are you going to say we must talk about history?”
Boner Candidate #2: I CAN’T FIGURE IT OUT; THE COPS SEEM TO KNOW EVEYTHING I’M DOING.
A man in Ohio attempted to steal a car while a teenage passenger in the back of the car was asleep. The teenager texted real time updates to police which led to the carjacker and kidnapper’s arrest.
Boner Candidate #3: IT’S DAY ONE AND… THE LEGISLATURE
Tuesday marked the first day of the legislation at the Utah Capitol. To start of the session, The Senate instantly voted to overturn Utah’s mask mandate despite the increasing death toll of an otherwise preventable pandemic.
ROUND TWO
Boner Candidate #1: ONCE AGAIN WE HAVE TO WONDER… WHAT’S WRONG WITH PEOPLE?
A historical Native American etching from 4,000 to 8,500 years ago was vandalized by people who decided to etch their own names in the priceless piece.
Boner Candidate #2: I KEPT HIM BECAUSE HE’S A REAL GOOD WORKER.
A man was enslaved for 40 years and kept as a worker who was paid only $13.60 a day, in a shed without heating or light.
Boner Candidate #3: IT’S DAY ONE AND… THE LEGISLATURE PART 2.
In one of the most blatant acts of corruption and gerrymandering, a new redistricting plan was passed in Utah. The new boundaries were drawn by lawmakers as opposed to the independent commission which was approved by voters, the people the lawmakers are supposed to represent. Recent investigations showed that the lawmakers ignored literal thousands of emails which asked the lawmakers to actually use the commission that was established for this exact reason.
