Boners

Boner of the Day for January 20, 2021

ROUND ONE

Boner Candidate #1: ON, WHERE YOU GOING’ WITH THAT CLOWN MASK AND THAT GUN?

Authorities in California arrested a man during a traffic stop after finding a loaded AR-15 rifle accompanied with a clown mask from the horror movie “It.” Cops pulled over the vehicle in San Leandro Sunday afternoon and found a “fully loaded AR-15 concealed in a bag in the backseat,” according to the San Leandro Police Department. Also in the car was a mask depicting Pennywise the clown from the “It” movie franchise, and marijuana. Cops didn’t clarify why they initially stopped the driver. The driver’s identity has not been released. The suspect was booked into jail on drugs and weapons charges.

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Boner Candidate #2: AM I FREE NOW? HOW ABOUT NOW? NOW?

Joe Exotic’s legal team is so confident the “Tiger King” star will get a pardon from President Trump on Tuesday that they have a limo parked near his prison — and hair and makeup at the ready. “This time tomorrow, we’re going to be celebrating,” Eric Love, who is leading Exotic’s bid for freedom, told Metro.co.uk in an interview Monday afternoon. “We have good reason to believe it will come through,” he said of a presidential pardon for the Netflix star, who is serving 22 years for trying to hire a hitman to kill zookeeper rival Carole Baskin. “We’re confident enough we already have a limousine parked about half a mile from the prison. We are really in action mode right now,” he said of a stretch limo near the Federal Medical Center in Fort Worth in Texas.

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Boner Candidate #3: DAD’S BRILLIANT IDEA FOR A CHRISTMAS PRESENT

A woman has revealed how she unexpectedly uncovered a dark family secret. TikTok user Cat McDonald, username @fretlessfeline, responded to a fellow user’s video which asked people to share their most weird and wonderful DNA result stories. In a clip that has been viewed more than 3.7 million times on the social media platform, Cat explained that one Christmas, her dad came up with the “brilliant idea” to give the entire family an Ancestry DNA test, which came with unexpected results. Cat said her entire life she “identified as Irish because my last name’s McDonald and my hair is bright f***ing red.” After taking the DNA test she discovered that she’s 75 per cent Norwegian and the rest is German and British – not Irish at all. Baffled, her dad made her log into her account to see if she had any DNA matches. She revealed: “I had an exact paternal match – it just wasn’t him.” She said: “I contacted my mum and two of my aunts immediately, everyone including my mother was f***ing shook, but even my dad recognized the name.

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ROUND TWO

Boner Candidate #1: IF A HOLY MAN CAN’T KILL THE COVID, WHO CAN?

A self-styled Sri Lankan holy man’s supposed miracle potion to prevent Covid-19 turned sour Tuesday after a minister who publicly drank it was hospitalised with the virus. Thousands defied public gathering restrictions to swamp a village in central Sri Lanka last month to get the syrup made by Dhammika Bandara. Women and Child Development Minister Piyal Nishantha de Silva was among several politicians who consumed the concoction, but parliamentary officials said he had since tested positive for coronavirus and taken to a treatment centre. Family members of another politician, who hailed from Bandara’s village, had also been infected despite taking the syrup. Pro-government media gave widespread publicity to Bandara who claimed the formula was revealed to him by Kali, a Hindu goddess of death and destruction of evil. The only ingredients he acknowledged were honey and nutmeg. The government has scrambled to distance itself from Bandara, whose preparation was approved as a food supplement by the official indigenous medicine unit.

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Boner Candidate #2: I WAS GOING TOO FAST TO PULL OVER.

Titusville, FL — A man who fled from officers said he was trying to get home to his mom and claimed he was driving too fast to pull over, according to the Titusville Police Department. Police said they saw Nicholas Debetes, 18, driving a red Hyundai Elantra “at an extremely high rate of speed” Thursday around 11:15 p.m. near the intersection of North Dixie Avenue and Mayfair Way and turned on their lights in an attempt to get him to stop. Records show Debetes passed several locations where he could have stopped but instead continued to a trailer park on North Dixie Avenue where he parked the car. After he was placed in handcuffs, a Brevard County deputy arrived and said Debetes had an outstanding warrant, adding that she had tried to pull him over earlier that night but he sped away and she was unable to catch up, according to the affidavit. Debetes claimed he was speeding because his mother wanted him to come home for an unknown reason and he added that he was driving too fast to stop, the report said.

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Boner Candidate #3: SOME TIMES YOU FEEL LIKE A NUT….

Myrtle Beach, SC — The dispute started with an impolitic remark about a lone testicle, records show. Curtis McCoy, 46, and his husband of 10 years got into an argument late Sunday evening that “escalated since they have been drinking alcohol,” according to South Carolina police. The couple, who live in Myrtle Beach, were arguing when McCoy allegedly “brought up how the victim only has one testicle which caused the victim to get upset.” As the dispute continued, the victim pointed his finger at McCoy and yelled back at his spouse, cops say. McCoy allegedly grabbed his husband’s finger and twisted it, “causing him pain.” After initially denying to police that he had touched his spouse, McCoy reportedly said, “I only grabbed his finger and twisted it when he pointed it at me.” He added that the couple “learned their lesson from last time they both got arrested for domestic violence.” Seen above, McCoy was arrested for domestic violence and booked into the local jail on the misdemeanor count. He was released from custody yesterday after posting a $2120 personal recognizance bond.

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