ROUND ONE
Boner Candidate #1: IT WAS AN ACCIDENT 60 TIMES.
A South Korean court recently ruled a 19-year-old’s stabbing as ‘accidental’. The 19-year-old stabbed his grandmother over 60 times while his 17-year-old brother assisted by shutting the home’s windows.
Boner Candidate #2: WANNA BUY AN X-RAY? IT’S A REALLY GOOD ONE.
A French woman who survived the attack on the Bataclan in 2015 recently learned that a surgeon was attempting to sell her X-Rays as NFTs.
Boner Candidate #3: HE WAS VERY EASY TO IDENTIFY.
After going out for his birthday and damaging a number of cars, a UK man was identified by police because of the penis that was drawn on his face.
ROUND TWO
Boner Candidate #1: MY DAD WAS THERE 24/7.
Eric Trump went on Fox News to boast about how much time his father spent working during his presidency and was immediately fact-checked on Twitter.
Boner Candidate #2: THIS IS NOT FUNNY; NOT A JOKE.
A U of U Air Med crew member was temporarily blinded in one eye after someone pointed a laser at the helicopter while it was in the air over the Sugarhouse area.
Boner Candidate #3: IT’S CALLED INJECTION FISHING.
An intoxicated Florida man was arrested and found to have a baggie of fentanyl and hypodermic needles. He quickly explained that the needles were used for fishing.
