Boner of the Day

Boner of the Day for July 26th, 2019

Round One

Boner Candidate #1: IGNORANCE AND HATRED.

Police are searching for vandals who spray-painted racist and offensive words and symbols in several locations. The graffiti was discovered Thursday morning on the surface of the tennis courts at Herriman High School, the softball complex, some portable buildings on the campus, as well as an LDS Seminary and church. A viewer sent FOX 13 a photo of a swastika painted on an apartment building nearby. Police believe that incident is connected. “It’s still shocking to see this level of either ignorance or hatred,” said Lt. Cody Stromberg with the Herriman Police Department. “It could be considered a hate crime.” Because the graffiti spans an area of about two miles, investigators believe several people participated in the crime. Police don’t have any suspects, but they hope surveillance cameras provide some leads.     Read More

Boner Candidate #2: THE FRANKENSTEIN CHOP SHOP.

Buckets  of body parts, a cooler filled with male genitalia and a woman’s head sewn onto a male torso “like Frankenstein” were found by FBI agents during a raid on an Arizona body donation center, a new lawsuit reveals. The stomach-churning scene was discovered by FBI agents at the now-shuttered Biological Resource Center in 2014 as part of a multi-state investigation into the illegal trafficking and sale of human body parts, as reported by the Arizona Republic. Details of the grim find were revealed in a lawsuit filed against the center this week by 33 defendants whose loved ones’ bodies were donated to the facility under the guise they would be used for scientific purposes. In his declaration in the civil suit, former FBI special agent Mark Cwynar described the “various unsettling scenes” that awaited cops, including “a bucket of heads, arms and legs” and “a cooler filled with male genitalia.” Agents also found “infected heads,” a small woman’s head sewn onto a large male torso and hanging on a wall “like Frankenstein,” and body parts stacked on top of one another with no identification tags. Biological Resource Center specialized in the free pickup of deceased loved ones for families in exchange for their bodies, to be used for scientific research. Instead, the company sold body parts to various middlemen for profit.     Read More

Boner Candidate #3: I HAD TO IMPROVISE.

Having a busted tail light is one thing. But taking the time and effort to replace a busted tail light with a bottle is a whole different kind of fail. The City of Longmont posted a picture of a “tail light” pieced together by a driver on Tuesday. The example of the tail light is in a picture at the top of this article. It appears the driver used duct tape and a Gatorade bottle to replace the busted light. “While we appreciate the ingenuity of this tail light, this is not a permanent solution,” The City of Longmont posted to Facebook. “Working tail lights prevent accidents.”     Read More

Round Two

Boner Candidate #1: THE CASE OF THE STOLEN CHOPPERS.

Stealing dentures is not a bite idea. But that’s exactly what an Indiana woman did before walking into a probation meeting this week wearing the stolen dentures, according to the Jennings County Sheriff’s Office. The victim contacted police on Monday to report that Joann Childers had stolen her prosthetic device and was “wearing them around,” the sheriff’s office said in a viral Facebook post. That same morning, a deputy investigating the incident spoke with a probation officer who said she had just met with Childers. The officer said the suspect was wearing dentures “that clearly were not hers,” authorities wrote in the post, adding the hashtags “#thatsnasty #whytho #getyourown.” Police said they went to Childers’ home on Wednesday to speak with her about the theft and immediately noticed the stolen dentures in plain view. The dentures had the victim’s name on them. Childers was charged with theft and the dentures were returned to the victim.     Read More

Boner Candidate #2: SHE WASN’T NAKED.

Maryland dad Brad Friedlander couldn’t even handle his kids’ morning routine. When former stay-at-home mom Aliza Friedlander had a rare, early-morning work event for her new part-time job, Brad took on the responsibility of breakfast and getting his daughters — Lila, 5, and Brooklyn, 3 — off to school. He failed the test miserably. Dad drove the girls to school, where grandma Anita King took the reins — and quickly noticed something was very wrong with Brooklyn’s outfit: She was wearing white potty-training underwear for pants, Aliza announced in a June Instagram post that’s now going viral after being spotted by the “Today” show. A girlfriend texted Aliza a picture of Brooklyn in the thick, diaper-like undies — and the shocked mom quickly shot her husband a text. “You sent her to school in underwear,” Aliza wrote. “Who,” Dad obliviously responds, before trying to blame Brooklyn for the wardrobe malfunction, saying she picked the outfit, which included wearing underwear under the underwear.     Read More

Boner Candidate #3: PLEASE DON’T HARASS THE WILDLIFE.

With its vast narrow canyons and stunning scenery, it’s no surprise Zion National Park is home to iconic western wildlife. As the summer tourist season is in full swing, park rangers are urging visitors to be more respectful of their surroundings. Staff said hikers have been touching and harassing wildlife, with multiple reports of fawns being picked up, held, and moved in The Narrows and the campgrounds in the past few weeks. “They’re completely innocent animals going about their normal lives, and people, even with the best of intentions, intervene and cause those animals to be injured or even killed,” Zion National Park wildlife technician Jason Pietrzak said. “It’s terrible.” One fawn recently died in the Narrows as a result of either its mother abandoning it or the stress and trauma of being held. “Imagine you’re a child and a grizzly bear was trying to help you by picking you up,” Pietrzak added. “It would be terrifying.” Zion National Park visitor Ana Zissou expressed her frustration, describing wilderness ethics as “common sense.”     Read More

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