Boner of the Day

Boner of the Day for July 29th, 2020

ROUND ONE

Boner Candidate #1: THE INSTRUMENT PANEL LIGHTS WERE BURNED OUT

Charlotte County, FL — Fire crews with Charlotte County put out a car fire Monday at a Culver’s restaurant in Murdock. According to Fire and EMS, when crews arrived the car was in flames. The driver told the firefighters a fragrant candle he was burning inside the car tipped over onto some papers and ignited the blaze. The driver stopped the car outside of the restaurant and ran for a trash can to fill with water to pour on the fire, but by the time he got back to the car it was engulfed. The car was a complete loss and no injuries reported, but firefighters want to remind motorists not to drive with a burning candle in your car.

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Boner Candidate #2: IT WAS A POWER NAP

Lincoln, NE — A Grand Island man was recently arrested by the Lincoln Police Department after officers found him asleep behind the wheel, blocking traffic. On Monday around 2:30 a.m., officers were dispatched to a stalled car in the area of SW 40th and W O Street. Responding officers found a gray BMW stopped in the westbound lane of traffic and as they approached, they saw an unresponsive man in the driver’s seat with a vial in his lap. LPD said officers were able to wake the driver up and believed that he appeared to be on drugs. The vial in the driver’s lap is believed to have contained cocaine. Officers found $1,370 in cash, including bills rolled up with cocaine residue on them belonging to the driver. Baggies and a large bag with 3.2 grams of cocaine were also found, according to police. Kalef Blanco-Vazquez, 22, from Grand Island, was arrested. Blanco-Vazquez is facing possession of a controlled substance with intent to deliver charges, possession of money while violating drug law possession, no proof of financial responsibility, driver under revocation and no proof of ownership charges.

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Boner Candidate #3: DEMON SEMEN

A seemingly obscure Capitol Hill press conference by a fringe group of self-proclaimed medical experts quickly became on Monday the most widely seen propaganda video about the coronavirus since the pandemic began after Breitbart News livestreamed it on Facebook. The post racked up tens of millions of views across social media in a matter of hours, far surpassing the traffic of the infamous “Plandemic” disinformation video. It grabbed the attention of President Donald Trump and his son Donald Trump Jr., who had his Twitter account partially suspended for sharing a link to the video. The video featured a string of right-wing talking points that criticized lockdown measures, demonized public health officials, called for schools to reopen and urged Americans not to wear face masks. The speakers, who were all portrayed as doctors, often declared hydroxychloroquine a “cure” for COVID-19. (No legitimate medical organizations have recognized any “cure” for COVID-19, and multiple clinical trials have shown hydroxychloroquine is not beneficial in treating the virus.) One of the main characters in the clip was a religious minister and pediatrician who has previously warned against having sex with demons — so at first glance, it would be easy to characterize the video as just another random conspiracy crank finding a massive audience thanks to Facebook.

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ROUND TWO

Boner Candidate #1: WE WANT EVERYTHING TOGETHER.

The ‘world’s most identical twins’ have told how they plan to get pregnant at the same time by their shared boyfriend. Australian twins Anna and Lucy DeCinque appeared on Monday’s This Morning where they explained to a baffled Ruth Langsford and Eamonn Holmes why they want to have a baby at the same time. The 34-year-old sisters, who had always had separate boyfriends before, now share boyfriend Ben Byrne. ‘In the past, we had separate boyfriends but Ben accepts us for who we are,’ Anna explained. ‘It has been equal from day one and there is no jealousy.’ Lucy continued: ‘If he kisses Anna he’ll kiss me straight after.’ The siblings went on to add that their boyfriend can always tell them apart – even when speaking to them on the phone. Speaking about the duo’s plans to have children at the same time, Anna added: ‘We will grow old together and die together. ‘We will freeze our eggs at the same time, it will be a challenge but we just want to be the same. ‘It could be obsessive but that is how we want to live our lives.’

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Boner Candidate #2: TEAR GAS THE PEACEFUL ONES

A U.S. combat veteran and National Guard officer was “deeply disturbed” as he witnessed federal police use “excessive force” to violently clear peaceful protesters near the White House to make way for President Donald Trump to pose for photos outside a church last month, he will testify Tuesday. U.S. Park Police began violently clearing protesters from Lafayette Square on June 1 without apparent provocation or adequate warning shortly after Attorney General William Barr spoke with police leaders, according to written testimony by D.C. National Guard Maj. Adam DeMarco. He’s scheduled to present the testimony at a hearing investigating the incident before the House Committee on Natural Resources. A short time after the protesters were driven off, Trump strode across the square surrounded by a White House entourage to pose in front of the historic St. John’s Episcopal Church while holding a Bible. The account by DeMarco, who was the senior National Guard officer on the scene, contradicts Barr, who has insisted that anti-racism protesters were violent and deserved gassing and physical assault by law enforcement that evening. “They were not peaceful protesters. That’s one of the big lies that the media is … perpetuating at this point,” the attorney general said in a televised interview last month.

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Boner Candidate #3: YOU JUST TRYIN’ TO SCARE US

A Treasure Valley state legislator is under fire from local health system employees after she shared a Facebook post about a Caldwell pediatric nurse practitioner who died from complications of COVID-19. The post, which Rep. Tammy Nichols, a Middleton Republican, shared Wednesday without comment, pointed out that Samantha Hickey, who died two weeks ago at 45, suffered a cardiac complication of COVID-19. The Facebook post by Cate Tedeski implied that Hickey’s death was somehow being misrepresented by the news media to scare the public. It linked to an Idaho Statesman story that reported how Hickey, who worked for St. Luke’s Health System, died of a heart attack after contracting the coronavirus. Robb Hickey, the Caldwell nurse practitioner’s husband, this week described what happened to Samantha and clarified that she had myocarditis, a cardiac complication of COVID-19. Samantha Hickey endured a range of symptoms the week she got sick. Shortly before she died, she asked Robb to take her to the hospital because she thought she was becoming dangerously dehydrated. As doctors ran tests on her, they found some concerning signs of problems with her heart and wanted to get a closer look.

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