ROUND ONE
Boner Candidate #1: YOUR HONOR, MY CONTACTS WERE DRY
Jen Shah claims her Miranda Rights were involuntary waived by her dry contact lenses. The star of “Real Housewives of Salt Lake City” is currently being charged with a telemarketing scheme.
Boner Candidate #2: VLAD’S GOLDEN COMMODE
Vladimir Putin’s “Flying Kremlin” recently touched down in Switzerland to meet with Joe Biden. The £390,000,000 plane even has gold plated toilets, and every other unnecessary accessory.
Boner Candidate #3: THE PIPE HITTERS?
Mike Pompeo has dubbed his donors the “Pipehitters.” Pipehitter normally describes someone who smokes a lot more then they reasonably should.
ROUND TWO
Boner Candidate #1: A BEATING OVER SLEEP TALK
A woman in Florida beat her girlfriend after she was heard talking about an ex in her sleep.
Boner Candidate #2: WE’VE APOLOGIZED SO NOW LETS MOVE ON
After Shoreline Junior High School was exposed to have erased a student with down syndrome in their cheerleading photos, they’ve apologized, kind of. The half hearted apology which felt like a simple ‘I’m sorry, we’re looking into it’ was described by the student’s sister as ‘equally ignorant to the cheerleading photo.’
Boner Candidate #3: GRANDMA, WE WANT TO SEE THE CHRISTMAS LIGHTS
Back in the old days of December 2020, a great grandmother was facing felony charges after her car was crashed by her ten year old grand children, into another car carrying children. No one was killed, and he woman is finally facing trial months later.
