Boners

Boner of the Day for June 24th, 2020

ROUND ONE

Boner Candidate #1: OKAY, DUDES… ROCK OUT AT THE HERD IMMUNITY FEST.

So much for no tours or festivals until 2021! The three-day “Herd Immunity Fest” has just been announced, taking place July 16th-18th, 2020 (yes that’s right, 2020) in Ringle, Wisconsin. Static-X, Nonpoint, Dope, Bobaflex, Royal Bliss, and more are among the bands set to play. The “mini-fest” will only feature a total of 15 bands spread out over the three days, and will take place on an outdoor stage at the Q&Z Expo Center. If it goes off as planned, it would likely be the first rock festival featuring national touring acts to take place since the pandemic started. A posting from the festival’s promoter on the Q&Z Expo Center Facebook page reads, “When the lock down first happened my first thought was OK we can all do 2 weeks, then it went on and on, things were getting cancelled, I started to worry about people not only for this Covid but mental, physical, financial. As humans we NEED other human contact.” The statement continues, “MUSIC in itself is great, but the live streams as I am sure you all know is just not the same we need LIVE , feel it to the bones, run shivers up your spine MUSIC with people around us. Takes us all away on a trip that unless you have felt it you won’t understand. So it is OUR honor to bring you this mini fest. Let’s make it a fun , safe weekend, and let’s be kind to each other. Spread the word by sharing the event and invite your friends.”

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Boner Candidate #2: WHY WERE THESE NAMES EVER CONSIDERED OKAY?

Nestlé is changing the names of two of its candy brands, Red Skins and Chicos, citing that they are “out of step” with the company’s values. Allen’s, the Australian company that sells both candies, posted a statement on Facebook Monday announcing the change. “This decision acknowledges the need to keep creating smiles, ensuring that nothing we do marginalises our friends, neighbours and colleagues, or is out of step with our values,” the statement read. “We appreciate the comments we have received on the need for change.” “Redskin” is a derogatory slur for Native Americans and First Nation Canadians, while “chico” can be an offensive word used to describe Latin Americans. New names for the candies have not yet been finalized, the statement from Allen’s said. The upcoming change is in line with many other food brands — including Aunt Jemima syrup, Uncle Ben’s rice and Mrs. Butterworth’s products— who are reevaluating offensive branding in the wake of the current Black Lives Matter movement.

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Boner Candidate #3: SEND THESE MASKS TO THE ALT RIGHT PLEASE.

SALT LAKE CITY (KUTV) — State leaders say it was a mistake that a Utah family received a masks featuring a gun, the American flag, and the phrase “don’t tread on me” as part of a program to offer free masks during the pandemic. Christine Passey-Spencer of Salt Lake City says she received the controversial masks in her mailbox this week after ordering them from a state website two months ago. “It doesn’t seem possible that it came from the state of Utah,” Passey-Spencer told 2News. She says that while she finds the imagery of a gun and “don’t tread on me” offensive, she is upset that any sort of political imaging would be put on masks distributed by the state. “I think I would be just as frustrated if I received a pro-choice or black lives matter mask because this shouldn’t be done through the state of Utah,” Passey-Spencer said. State officials say the masks were among one of approximately 150 that were identified as potentially controversial and were not supposed to be sent out. “It was one of the masks that we were pulling out. These are masks that we have not been distributing; it slipped by us,” said Ben Hart, the deputy director of the Governor’s Office of Economic Development.

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ROUND TWO

Boner Candidate #1: THEY SAY, “IT’S WHAT’S UP FRONT THAT COUNT”

A British man arrested in a Brussels airport with cocaine inside of an artificial penis could face up to three years in prison for the offense, prosecutors said last week. The man was busted trying to smuggle the drugs from Jamaica into Belgium last February, The New Zealand Herald reported. He allegedly told investigators that he intended to use the cocaine for personal use once he returned home. Prosecutors did not prove the man, who said he got the drugs while visiting his mom in the Caribbean county, was a “mule,” but still asked for a 36-month sentence, the report said. Defense attorneys argued such a sentence is too severe since the man is in poor health. “My client has kidney failure and needs to exercise as well as follow a proper diet,” his lawyer said, according to the report. The man is set to be sentenced on Wednesday.

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Boner Candidate #2: MMMM TAMPONCCINO

A cop enjoying his Starbucks Frappuccino says he got a nasty surprise halfway through, when he discovered a tampon floating around in his drink … and there’s now an official police investigation.
An off-duty LAPD officer purchased his Frapp Friday at a Starbucks inside a Target in Diamond Bar, CA. He used his police credit union debit card to buy the drink, and says he found the feminine hygiene product inside … before marching back into the store to confront the staff. We’ve confirmed the L.A. County Sheriff’s Department took a report and is now investigating it as a possible food tampering incident. Deputies are pulling surveillance footage. The L.A. Police Protective League is calling the incident a “disgusting assault on a police officer” and says it was “carried out by someone with hatred in their heart and who lacks human decency.” They want whoever may be responsible exposed and fired. Fox 11 L.A. was the first to report this story.

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Boner Candidate #3: SCREW THE RED ROCKER

While most music acts have acknowledged that public health comes first when it comes to touring in the wake of the COVID-19 pandemic, Sammy Hagar would “rather personally get sick and even die” if it means kickstarting the concert industry again. The Red Rocker was one of several veteran artists polled by Rolling Stone as to when they would feel safe returning to the road. Most of the artists remarked that they would want to wait until there’s a COVID-19 vaccine or safe measures in place, but the former Van Halen singer is willing to put his life on the line. “I’ll be comfortable playing a show before there’s a vaccine, if it’s declining and seems to be going away,” remarked Hagar. “I’m going to make a radical statement here. This is hard to say without stirring somebody up, but truthfully, I’d rather personally get sick and even die, if that’s what it takes.” He added, “We have to save the world and this country from this economic thing that’s going to kill more people in the long run. I would rather see everyone go back to work. If some of us have to sacrifice on that, OK. I will die for my children and my grandchildren to have a life anywhere close to the life that I had in this wonderful country.”

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