Boner of the Day

Boner of the Day for June 27th, 2019

Round 1

Candidate #1: JUST WENT WHERE THE MAP TOLD US TO GO.,

A shortcut to the Denver International Airport turned into a “muddy mess” on Sunday for dozens of drivers who were following directions from Google Maps. Connie Monsees of Highlands Ranch, Colorado, was on her way to pick up her husband when she hit a traffic jam on Pena Boulevard. She pulled out her phone and used the app to find an alternate route that would get her to the airport in half the time, but didn’t realize how off-road she would be. “It eventually took me to a road that…became dirt,” Monsees said on ABC News’ “Start Here” podcast. “I was not the only one, there was probably a hundred cars out there.” The route was “a muddy mess of a field,” she said, because it had been raining all weekend, and cars were getting stuck in ditches slick from Colorado’s clay soil. As Monsees bypassed some of the really slippery spots with her all-wheel drive, other people started asking her for a lift.

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Candidate #2: STRAIGHT PRIDE

Boston on Wednesday approved a public event application and parade route for a Straight Pride Parade, whose organizers plan to celebrate what they view as America’s “oppressed majority” — heterosexuals.
A city official said the application was a major step toward an official parade permit, which also requires the consent of the Boston Police Department. But the police said there appeared to be no major hurdle for the event. The parade organizers — a group called Super Happy Fun America, whose slogan is “it’s great to be straight” — celebrated on Wednesday at a news conference, where they denied that their event was anti-gay or intended to mock L.G.B.T. Pride. “I agree it is unusual to have something like this, but a lot of things seem unpopular at first but then they become mainstream,” John Hugo, the president of Super Happy Fun America, said at the news conference. “We don’t hate anyone, we just want to have our own celebration just like everybody else has a right to. All people from all communities are welcome as long as they show respect.”

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Candidate #3: A CAT ON THE LAWN? NOT IN OUR CITY.

A Utah woman wants to see change after an antiquated ordinance led her to receive misdemeanor charges for allowing her cat to lay on their front lawn. When Kate Anderson was first approached by animal control, she thought something terrible had happened to their cat. Then, the officer gave her a citation, carrying the weight of two misdemeanor charges, for letting her cat law on their own lawn. “Milo, come here!” Anderson said as she made kissy noises to her cat while it laid on their front lawn. In the Anderson household, Milo is treated like family. “He’s got a cat door, so he just comes and goes and is a cat,” Anderson said.
However, they never expected their furry feline would be the reason they were slapped with misdemeanor charges. “There he is, back at the scene of the crime,” Anderson laughed as her cat came near her and laid on the lawn. On Monday, Kate said Milo had let himself outside and was laying on their front lawn – someone then took a picture of Milo and reported it. “I just got a ticket for my cat being outside, in my yard,” Anderson said in disbelief. An animal control employee received the report and made a house call to Kate’s Murray home. They then wrote her a citation.

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Round 2

Candidate #1: SMELLS LIKE ROSES.

A French man claims to have invented a pill which can transform the smell of your farts.
Gone are the days when your trumps smelt of egg or some other rotten substance – now your gas can have a range of aromas, smelling of everything from chocolate to violet. You can even make your farts smell like actual roses and it’s all thanks to Christian Poincheval. The mastermind behind the bizarre product (called PilulePet) came up with the idea for the pills following a particularly foul smelling meal, where his dinner guests couldn’t stand the odours he was emitting. He said: “We were at a table with friends after a copious meal when we nearly asphyxiated ourselves with our smelly farts. That gas wasn’t great for our table neighbours, so something had to be done about this.” And thus his company, Lutin Malin (Cunning Imp) was born. He began developing the pills in 2007 and now has a range of them, selling them in several different scents. He claimed the pills are entirely natural, just a “dietary supplement based on natural ingredients”.
The website adds: “The fart pill is the result of lengthy research and trials and is on sale since 2007. Our fragrant variants also add a touch of humour for any occasion. “Our numerous returning customers are no doubt the best proof.”

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Candidate #2: BESMIRCHING THE MISS HOOTERS COMPETITION

A woman who was among the top five contestants in the Miss Hooters Tennessee competition was arrested for trashing her boyfriend’s house, a report said Monday. Madison Rogers, 21, was charged with aggravated burglary and vandalism after being caught on security footage destroying the home after the boyfriend broke up with her earlier in the day, according to Scoop Nashville. Police responded to the man’s address on May 31 where he told them that Rogers flew into a rage after the breakup, the outlet said. The Hooters contestant had allegedly pounded on his front door before kicking it open and attacking him. The boyfriend then said he picked her up and carried her outside. Once outside the home, Rogers asked him if he “liked the upstairs?” before fleeing. He then discovered that his bedroom, bathroom and closet was “destroyed.”

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Candidate #3: HOW DISABLED ARE YOU?

When Kendra Muller called the accessibility center at Brigham Young University last year, she said, she was told the school didn’t have enough van accessible parking stalls for her to be assigned one. The Provo campus has only a handful of reserved spots for those in wheelchairs, she recalled the staffer saying. And, the woman added, “whoever is the most disabled gets one.” Muller, who has been paralyzed since she broke her neck at 14, had finally saved enough money to buy a special van that she could drive to class. Unsure how to respond, she asked her doctor for a note specifying she had to have an accessible stall with extra room for her to wheel out. With that, she got a space. On her way out of the center, Muller said, an employee there told her: “Consider yourself lucky.” She didn’t feel that way. “We shouldn’t have to fight over who is ‘the most disabled.’ That’s not even a thing,” Muller said. “If BYU had five students who really did need to use those parking spots, they should put in the effort to ensure all five had access.” But that wasn’t the first time Muller was left frustrated by an exchange with the center. Now, hoping to improve its support for others, she has helped to gather personal accounts from more than 40 current and former students with disabilities. They contend that the center has for years ignored or been dismissive of their concerns, pressured some freshmen out of asking for help and done little to improve the school’s accessibility.

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