Round One
Boner Candidate #1: THIS IS GETTING BIBLICAL, ‘THOU SHALT NOT WORSHIP GOLDEN IDOLS.’
During Orlando’s CPAC (Conservative Political Action Conference) a gold statue of Donald trump, with a magic wand and sandals was available for purchase at a the low price of $100,000.
Boner Candidate #2: I’M AVAILABLE FOR TRIAL… GO AHEAD.
Dr. Scott Green is currently under investigation by The Medical Board of California after he attended a court hearing while in the operating room. He was wearing a complete set of scrubs, and even a patient in the room with him.
Boner Candidate #3: TANQUERAY IS LAUNCHING ALCOHOL-FREE GIN
Tanqueray has announced it’s newest gin featuring zero alcohol. The gin will be called ‘Tanqueray 0.0%’ and will be available for purchase in both the UK and Spain in March.
Round Two
Boner Candidate #1: IF YOU WERE GAY BACK THEN IT WAS THE COPS OR THE LOONEY BIN.
San Fransico’s Tom Ammiano, finally gets his varsity letter after 6 decades. He recounts his highschool life, and the danger his sexuality put him in and how humiliating and hurtful it was to be denied the letter he had earned.
Boner Candidate #2: WE MADE IT A TEACHABLE MOMENT.
After being called and harassed multiple times for being black business owners, the two entrepreneurs decided that the hateful call could be used to better educate the caller.
Boner Candidate #3: NOT A SOLID PLAN
A South Carolina man made an attempt to rob a bank by sending a threating letter through the pneumatic tube. It wasn’t very successful.
