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ROUND ONE

Boner Candidate #1: DON’T FORGET….PARKING ENFORCEMENT OFFICERS ARE ESSENTIAL EMPLOYEES.

Thanks @SLCgov ! Nothing is open, basically, except us at City Weekly. We have people coming in for hand sanitizer, cuz they can’t find it anywhere, nearly no cars in downtown–and you’re giving out parking tickets. Jezuss! Can’t a girl catch a break??? @slcmayor

— John Saltas (@johnsaltas) March 26, 2020

Boner Candidate #2: LARRY KUDLOW; ECONOMIC GENIOUS.

National Economic Council Director Larry Kudlow tried on Tuesday to assuage concerns over the cornavirus and its impact on the U.S. economy. “We have contained this. I won’t say [it’s] airtight, but it’s pretty close to airtight,” Kudlow told CNBC’s Kelly Evans on “The Exchange.” He added that, while the outbreak is a “human tragedy,” it will likely not be an “economic tragedy.” “There will be some stumbles. We’re looking at numbers; it’s a little iffy,” Kudlow said. “But at the moment … there’s no supply disruptions out there yet.” Kudlow: Not hearing Fed will make panic rate moves due to virus Kudlow’s comments came as the stock market tanked for a second straight day amid worries that the coronavirus outbreak would lead to a prolonged global economic slowdown. The Dow Jones Industrial Average was more than 700 points lower Tuesday, down 2.7%. On Monday, the 30-stock average had its worst day in two years, dropping more than 1,000 points. Investors dumped equities in favor of U.S. Treasurys, which are traditionally seen as a safe haven during volatile stretches for the stock market. The benchmark 10-year Treasury yield dropped to 1.32% to reach an all-time low. The 30-year also traded at a record low. Yields move inversely to prices. Still, Kudlow said the U.S. is “holding up nicely,” adding, “All I can do is look at the numbers.”

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Boner Candidate #3: GOD IS IN CONTROL AND PEOPLE NEED THEIR GOOGLY EYES

OKLAHOMA CITY (WPEC) — As many retailers around the country close their doors due to the coronavirus pandemic, one continues to remain open. Hobby Lobby says it’ll continue to operate business as usual, but will take measures to keep shoppers and workers safe. “While we do not know for certain what the future holds, or how long this disruption will last, we can all rest in knowing that God is in control,” CEO David Green wrote to all employees. To help ensure our Company remains strong and prepared to prosper once again when this passes, we may all have to ‘tighten our belts’ over the near future,” Green continued. Hobby Lobby says it has “increased the frequency of store cleaning, including more cleaning of areas regularly touched by customers and employees, with anti-viral cleaning products throughout the day,” according to The Christian Post. “If an employee is suspected of having COVID-19 based on symptoms and/or known direct or indirect exposure, we will send that employee for medical care and to self-isolate at home, and will promptly coordinate with public health officials,” the company said on its website.

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ROUND TWO

Boner Candidate #1: LEAVE AIMEE WINDER NEWTON ALONE

Hackers took over gubernatorial candidate Aimee Winder Newton’s digital city corridor for state delegates on Thursday night time, flooding it with pornographic pictures and racial slurs. Winder Newton and her working mate, state Auditor John Dougall, moved their assembly to Fb Stay after shedding management of the opposite digital area. The pair posted one other video late Thursday to debate what occurred on Zoom, a video assembly platform that has gained reputation as in-person gatherings are canceled as a result of coronavirus. Winder Newton, a member of the Salt Lake County Council, stated this was the marketing campaign’s first Zoom assembly, an opportunity to share their concepts and meet with voters since they’ll’t accomplish that in individual. They have been utilizing an account arrange by the Utah Republican Celebration. The assembly started usually. Each she and Dougall had given introductions after which — “We had hackers that principally took over,” Winder Newton stated. She stated “graphic” and “inappropriate” pictures have been shared on the display, and viewers may hear laughing and racial slurs. When the moderator tried to intervene and mute these folks, she discovered she couldn’t, Winder Newton stated. Dougall stated, “They’d taken over admin management. That is one thing referred to as Zoom-bombing. It’s grow to be a factor in the previous few days.” Read More

Boner Candidate #2: HEY O.J. WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT. YOU’RE ALREADY CRAZY.

Simpson — who was acquitted in 1995 of the murder of ex-wife Nicole Brown and Ron Goldman in the infamous case that became known as “The Trial of the Century” — said one of the golf courses he played at on Wednesday was closing because of the coronavirus outbreak, and he didn’t seem too happy about it. “I kind of understand what the golf course is doing,” he said. “I’m not going to criticize them. But you know, you let guys have their own golf cart. You tell them not to, you know, pull the pin out, I guess, you don’t touch the pin. You don’t really get that close to one other on a golf course. “I think for some of the older guys that golf is their only exercise, I think it’s going to hurt ’em, if you start closing all the golf courses.” The 72-year-old Simpson — who later served nine years in prison for robbery and kidnapping over an attempt to steal back some of his sports memorabilia from a Las Vegas hotel room — said he would lose his mind if he can’t play golf for an extended period of time. “And if you do close them, you better open up some insane asylum. Get me a bib. I know if I can’t play golf for the next month, I’m going to go crazy. “I’m just saying. Take care.”

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Boner Candidate #3: I’LL HELP YOU MAKE A SHANK

Utah’s police certifying agency disciplined police officers and talked about the coronavirus at its meeting Thursday. Director Scott Stephenson told the Peace Officer Standard and Training (POST) council members Thursday that they are pushing to get recruits trained, working extra hours and using online courses so new officers can hit the streets. And for those who are just beginning the certification process, Stephenson said they have shifted all of the coursework online — but social distancing means only so many can take the physical tests at the same time. State officials’ request to refrain from gathering in large groups didn’t stop police regulators from doling out discipline on Thursday. Ten police officers were punished during the quarterly meeting, which was held via a telephone conference rather than in-person. Here’s who was disciplined: Neil Anderson’s certification was revoked after regulators say he lied about consuming a sucker laced with marijuana and stealing a television during the application process with the Utah Department of Corrections. He had a previous disciplinary history with POST. Department of Corrections Officer Jordan Bradford’s certification was suspended for six months after he provided an inmate with a toothbrush and watched as the inmate sharpened it to make a shank. He threw it in the garbage can, and told regulators Thursday that he gave the inmate the toothbrush to learn how they were manufacturing weapons in prison.

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