Boner of the Day

Boner of the Day for March 28th, 2019

Round 1

Candidate #1: HOW CAN YOU TELL WHEN RUDY IS LYING?

Celebrating the end of the Justice Department’s Russia probe with a round of cable news interviews, Rudy Giuliani falsely claimed special counsel Robert Mueller earned millions of dollars for the investigation. “The guy got paid upwards of somewhere around $30 million, but he couldn’t make the key decision,” Giuliani, one of President Donald Trump’s attorneys, said on Sean Hannity’s Fox News program Monday night. “His hands were shaking.”  In reality, Mueller earned a salary of $161,900, according to Politico and Money magazine. The latter outlet pointed out that top lawyers on Mueller’s team took yearly pay cuts of more than $1 million each to work on the investigation.

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Candidate #2: CAN’T YOU READ THAT. IT’S IN MEXICAN.

A surveillance camera captured a customer’s racially-charged rant as he berated an employee over a sign that advertised a daily taco special in Spanish at a Mexican restaurant in Southern California. The incident took place recently at Palapas Tacos in Anaheim. Juan Del Rio, the restaurant’s owner told KTLA on Wednesday that he thinks the man became upset over a sign in front of his business that advertises the different daily specials.
One of the daily specials is a Friday fish taco for $1.99. The unidentified customer tried to order the item on a different day and was surprised when he was charged more than that. The confusion may have stemmed over a set of different signs advertising the daily specials inside and outside the restaurant. in the business, the menu lists the specials in English and Spanish, while a sign outside has it only in Spanish.

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Candidate #3: YOU ARE TRYING TO SCARE OUR KIDS WITH SCIENCE.

Nearly every person who grabbed the microphone at a state education hearing Tuesday night offered a different reason why they believed the proposed standards for teaching Utah students about science were faulty, inaccurate or skewed. “This is scaremongering at its highest level being taught to our kids,” said resident Pam Allen. “Our children deserve the truth. And they can’t protest what they don’t realize is a hoax.” Allen took issue with the earth science guidelines that ask students to find evidence that human activity is a contributor to global warming. But that wasn’t all. The information on biology, she suggested, will also provide too secular a view of the world where evolution is presented as fact and the Bible is ignored.

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Round 2

Candidate #1: JESUS, WE ARE SO SORRY THAT THIS MUSLIM GOT ELECTED

A Republican state lawmaker begged for forgiveness from Jesus just before the Pennsylvania statehouse swore in its first Muslim woman. State Rep. Stephanie Borowicz invoked Jesus 13 times in her address, which some of her colleagues have condemned as divisive and Islamophobic, The Washington Post reports. “God forgive us—Jesus—we’ve lost sight of you, we’ve forgotten you, God, in our country, and we’re asking you to forgive us,” said Borowicz, of Lock Haven. “I claim all these things in the powerful, mighty name of Jesus, the one who, at the name of Jesus, every knee will bow, and every tongue will confess, Jesus, that you are Lord, in Jesus’ name.” Rep. Movita Johnson-Harrell, a Muslim Democrat who was sworn in shortly after Borowicz made her Jesus address, told the Pennsylvania Capital-Star: “It blatantly represented the Islamophobia that exists among some leaders—leaders that are supposed to represent the people.” Rep. Jordan Harrell criticized Borowicz for “weaponizing” her religion.

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Candidate #2: ONE MORE TIME FOR OLIVIA JADE

Lori Loughlin’s daughter had her own issues with trademarking her own beauty brand, because of poor punctuation. According to the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office, Olivia Jade attempted to have “Oliva Jade Beauty” and her name trademarked, however, she was rejected because of her vague language and grammar mistakes. “The wording ‘make up kits comprised of moisturizer, primer, concealer, foundation, make-up powder, make-up pencils, eye make-up, eyeshadow, eye liner, mascara, blush, highlighter, bronzer, make-up setting spray lipstick lip gloss, lip stains, make-up remover’ in the amended identification of goods is indefinite and must be clarified because the nature of ‘moisturizer’ and ‘concealer’ must be further specified,” read the documents obtained by ET on Wednesday.

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Candidate #3: HE HAD PLENTY OF ROOM DOWN THERE FOR A SNAKE

The staff at a Downriver pet store are asking for help identifying a man who stole a python. On Wednesday, March 20, someone wandered into the I Love My Pets store in Rockwood, Mich. and scooped up the 4-foot adult ball python out of its case. In a story full of euphemisms, there’s a video to compliment the illegal actions. On tape, a dark-haired man in a blue shirt and jeans can be seen shoving the reptile down his pants, before exiting the store. “The staff at I Love My Pets are in disbelief…someone stole our beautiful ball python who had just been adopted and was going home that same day he was stolen,” wrote Emily Scheiwe on Facebook.
This is the first time the pet store has had any animal stolen from the business.

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