ROUND ONE
Boner Candidate #1: AND NO OTHER TEST OF YOUR ROMANTIC LIFE IS NEEDED.
An informal rule on TikTok has popped up called ‘the sidewalk rule.’ The sidewalk rule suggests that if you’re actually in a loving relationship, then your boyfriend won’t let you walk on the side of the street that’s closer to a road. So if your partner doesn’t follow this then the logical conclusion is to break up with him and block him on everything.
Boner Candidate #2: I TAKE ISSUE WITH THE SONG SHALLOW.
Ezra Miller, the actor who plays ‘The Flash,’ drunkenly stole a mic at a Hawaiian karaoke bar and yelled obscenities before attacking a man playing darts.
Boner Candidate #3: YOU GOTTA CHECK UNDER THE HOOD WHEN THEIR JUST BABIES.
The son of the disgraced lawyer Rudy Giuliani, is running for the governor of New York. Like anyone else in his party, he’s chosen to weaponize hate speech against a minority of people with already high suicide rates. In his transphobic monologue he says, in reference to his own daughter, “She was born a woman and she’s gonna stay a woman, it’s that simple.”
ROUND TWO
Boner Candidate #1: YOU HID WHAT, WHERE?
A customer on Reddit was horrified to find out that their tattoo artist secretly signed their initials in a tattoo that was meant to honor the client’s father, grandfather and great grandfather.
Boner Candidate #2: WE NEED TO MAKE FACT CHECKING AGAINST THE LAW.
Alaska’s state senator Lori ReinBold recently introduced a bill that would make ‘fact checking’ illegal.
Boner Candidate #3: ALL OF A SUDDEN THEY ASKED ME TO AN ORGY.
After a question about the TV show ‘House of Cards,’ Rep. Madison Cawthorn claimed that he was invited to a cocaine fueled orgy by his fellow senators.
