Boner of the Day

Boner of the Day for March 31st, 2020

ROUND ONE

Boner Candidate #1: BUT HEY….WE’RE WORK OUT BROS.

Mark Wahlberg and Mario Lopez joined the long list of celebrities who have spoken out in recent weeks, urging fans to stay at home and self-isolate as a means to stop the spread of the coronavirus. But the “Spenser Confidential” actor and “Access Hollywood” host were quickly accused of hypocrisy after they each posted clips from a joint workout at a gym in Los Angeles while thousands of their viewers remained under quarantine at home. In a video posted to Instagram on Thursday, Lopez filmed himself and Wahlberg inside an F45 training facility while touting the workout as one anyone can do in their apartments or backyards without equipment. “Everyone’s pretty much been cooped up in their home for the last couple of weeks. I think now more than ever since we don’t know when this is going to end, we need to stay active, not just for your physical health but for your mental health,” Lopez said in the video. Read More

Boner Candidate #2: ONWARD CHRISTIAN SOLDIERS

More than 1,200 people attended services at a Louisiana church, again defying the governor’s coronavirus ban against more than 50 people gathering. Tony Spell has continued to hold services all month at Life Tabernacle Church in Baton Rouge – even as the coronavirus spreads throughout the United States. More than 143,500 people have tested positive in the U.S. and as of Monday morning, the nation’s death toll was over 2,500. However, the devastating nature of the virus has not dissuaded Spell from holding services on Sunday, despite experts saying social distancing could help slow down the spread of COVID-19 infections. Spell told CBS News that 1,265 people went to his church on Sunday and defended their assembly. “We have a constitutional right to congregate,” Spell said in an email on Monday. “We will continue.”  He said they disinfect the venue daily and even boasted that it’s “cleaner” than open gas stations, Walmart and Sam’s Club. Spell offered a “no comment” when asked whether his church was still collecting donations. Earlier this month, after a weekday service, he caught criticism for his controversial remarks when he told CBS affiliate WAFB that the coronavirus was “not a concern.” “The virus, we believe, is politically motivated,”  Spell told WAFB. “We hold our religious rights dear and we are going to assemble no matter what someone says.” Read More

Boner Candidate #3: SOMEBODY NEEDS TO LEARN TO DRIVE ME HOME

Los Angeles (AFP) – A resident of the western US state of Washington was arrested following a high-speed chase that left officers dumbfounded after they found the man’s pit bull behind the wheel. The incident unfolded Sunday afternoon after police received calls about a driver hitting two vehicles in an area south of Seattle and then speeding away, state trooper Heather Axtman told AFP. She said the emergency services subsequently got multiple calls about a car traveling erratically at more than 100 miles per hours (160 kilometers per hour). Axtman said that as officers gave chase, they got close to the vehicle — a 1996 Buick — and were shocked to see a pit bull in the driver’s seat and a man steering and pushing the gas pedal from the passenger side. The pursuit ended after police deployed spike strips and arrested 51-year-old Alberto Tito Alejandro, who was booked on multiple felonies including driving under the influence of drugs. “When we took him into custody… he admitted to our troopers that he was trying to teach his dog to drive,” Axtman said. Read More

ROUND TWO

Boner Candidate #1: WELL, WE HOPE YOU’RE OKAY DAVID GEFFEN.

David Geffen, the billionaire businessman and philanthropist, has gone private on Instagram after being called tone-deaf for a post he put up while under isolation. The 77-year-old businessman has self-isolated on his yacht in the Grenadines, which are islands in the Caribbean. David posted a photo of his yacht with a beautiful sunset behind it and wrote, “Sunset last night… isolated in the Grenadines avoiding the virus. I’m hoping everybody is staying safe.” People are criticizing David for showing off his wealth and privilege while millions of people are struggling with unemployment and healthcare workers are fighting for their lives while trying to save others as well. Read More

Boner Candidate #2: JERSEY OFFENDERS

TRENTON – A stay-at-home order hasn’t helped some people stay out of trouble, authorities say. The state Attorney General’s Office on Friday released a list of alleged offenses by South Jersey residents who might have been better off if they’d stayed inside. The order, intended to promote social distancing and curb transmission of the virus, took effect at 9 p.m. March 21. This content is being provided for free as a public service to our readers during the coronavirus outbreak. Help support local journalism with a Courier-Post subscription. But one day later, the statement said, 34-year-old Adrienne Morris was charged in Gloucester Township after she allegedly went out drinking with a friend and crashed her car,” the Attorney General’s Office said. Morris, who was initially described by the state agency as a male, was accused of driving while intoxicated and reckless driving. Read More

Boner Candidate #3: WHAT A GREAT SPORTS ICON

WBO super-middleweight champion Billy Joe Saunders saw his license suspended by British authorities on Monday after filming a video in which he gave men a detailed explanation on how to strike their wife or significant other while self-isolating due to coronavirus. The video, posted to Saunders’ social media, has since been deleted. In the video, Saunders stands by a heavy bag and says the following to the audience while occasionally throwing a punch. Your old woman is giving you a little bit of mouth, and you try to be patient, you try to be calm, cool. But on the seventh day, or sixth day should I say, you’re just about to explode. All of a sudden, she’s coming at you, spitting a bit of venom in your face, ready to say you … left the dishes out. I don’t know what you’ve done, but you’ve upset her. So as she comes in, she’s coming at you and you’ve lost it. Just keep it safe with the hands. So as she comes in, she’s just about to say, all of a sudden you explode. BAM! On the chin. Yeah, so you hit her on the chin. At this time, she may flash and see what you’re thinking. ‘Wash it up, has he done it, I can’t believe this. Whoa, what’s happened?’ She don’t know what’s happened. She’s in a state of horror at the minute. She don’t know what’s going on. That flash is coming. And all of a sudden, you just get down on that knee and spring up, so you finish her off. BAM! That should do the trick. Read More


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