ROUND ONE
Boner Candidate #1: I ONLY HAD A SHUPPLE A DINKS.
A federal agent in Texas who was drunk responded to a raid with a loaded weapon and was arrested after he crashed into another unmarked police car.
Boner Candidate #2: LISTEN THIS IS JUST LIKE THIS TRANSGENDER THING IS LIKE THE HORSE INDUSTRY.
Sen. David Hinkins recently compared the controversy of transgender kids in sports to horse racing.
Boner Candidate #3: I WANT ALL MY LITTLE HULK-A-MANIACS TO KNOW I MADE SURE IT WAS A QUALITY PRE-OWNED VEHICLE.
In order to finalize their divorce settlement, Hulk Hogan was ordered to buy a car for his ex-wife, though the make and model of the car is not specified.
ROUND TWO
Boner Candidate #1: MIKE LEE; A PATRIOT WHO STANDS AGAINST TYRANNY.
Sen. Mike Lee is the leader of a group of 10 Republican senators who are threatening to uphold a government funding bill if Biden decides to continue with federal vaccine mandates.
Boner Candidate #2: YOU ARE MARRIED TO AN IDIOT.
A Reddit user recently made a post to ask “Am I the A**hole?”, describing a situation in which her husband locked her in their bedroom in order to speak with his friend privately.
Boner Candidate #3: YOU BURGLERIZED A TRUCK AND YOU GOT A BOX OF WHAT?…
A box of human heads, to be used for medical research, was recently stolen out of a parked truck in Denver. The suspect and their motive are both unknown at this time.
