Alt. Rock News

Boner of the Day for May 14th, 2020

Round One

Boner Candidate #1: STEAL A CAR, WIN A PRIZE.

Adrian Zamarripa and his parents were flown to Los Angeles by RD Whittington, a celebrity car broker who owns the brand Wire Only, to check out some luxury vehicles, according to a video captured by TMZ. Adrian was greeted by Whittington, who told him, “I’ll give you a private tour my man,” as the broker led him around several luxury cars. As Whittington showed Adrian how to rev a car’s engine, Adrian’s face lit up as he laughed, smiled and high-fived Whittington. The little boy was able to rev the engines of a Ferrari, a Hummer and several other brand cars. Whittington even surprised Adrian with a FaceTime session with Lil Pump. “You gonna buy Pump a lamb?” Whittington asked Adrian as they FaceTimed with the rapper. “Yeah! I’m gonna work here,” Adrian told them, before adding his age, “Five years only.” “Five? That’s crazy,” Pump, 19, said. Later, Adrian met Foxx, 52, who admired the little boy’s sneakers, which were from Shaquille O’Neal’s own line. The actor and singer told Adrian, “Let me see if I can get Shaq.” Shortly after, Adrian got to FaceTime with the NBA legend, 48, although Adrian had trouble facing one of his heroes. “He’s a little shy right now,” Foxx told O’Neal as Adrian hid his face from the actor’s phone.

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Boner Candidate #2: THE BUNGLING ARSONIST.

Police in Ontario are looking for an arson suspect that apparently lit himself on fire while trying to torch several cars in a Halton Hills parking lot. Investigators say the incident happened late on Monday night in front of GT Auto located at 546 Guelph Street. Police and fire crews were called out around 10:15 p.m. to extinguish three parked cars on fire in front of the auto service shop. The blaze was quickly extinguished and there was no damage to the business or surrounding structures, according to police. The suspect, wearing a black hoodie with the hood up and black sweat pants, was later seen by detectives on a surveillance video pouring what’s believed to be gas on the cars and lighting them. Investigators with Halton police believe the suspect in an arson case on Guelph Street in Halton Hills wore a black hoodie and black sweat pants.In the process, the man appeared to accidentally light his foot on fire and was last seen running west across the front of the business towards Louisa Street.

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Boner Candidate #3: I’M HUNGRY AND I’D LIKE TO LOOK AT SOME FRESH FOOD

Armin Meiwes — a 58-year-old former computer engineer convicted in 2006 of killing Bernd Brandes after he answered an ad in a gay magazine seeking a “man to slaughter” — dons sunglasses and a cap to mask his identity during the trips, German tabloid Bild reports. “Two officers accompany him,” one investigator told the newspaper. “For security reasons we take him to another federal state. There, he is allowed to walk through town.” Meiwes, who was dubbed “Der Metzgermeister” or the Master Butcher, revealed in a 2016 documentary that he repressed his urges to live as a real-life Hannibal Lecter since his childhood years. “The first bite was, of course, very strange,” Meiwes told Barcroft TV’s “Docs: Interview with a Cannibal” in 2016. “I’d spent over 40 years longing for it, dreaming about it. And now I was getting the feeling that I was actually achieving this perfect inner connection through his flesh.” Meiwes, who said the human flesh tasted like “pork but stronger,” had insisted that Brandes consented to the slaying, which he recorded as he cut the victim up on a butcher’s bench, according to court records cited by the Times of the UK. “I sautéed the steak of Bernd with salt, pepper, garlic and nutmeg,” Meiwes said in 2007, the London newspaper reports.

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Round Two

Boner Candidate #1: FACE LICKER BUSTED AGAIN.

Portland, OR — A man with a face completely covered with tattoos was reportedly Tased by Portland, Ore., police after leading officers on a chase that ended with the suspect pretending he was going to shoot the cops in a grocery store stockroom. Matthew Joseph Medlin, 36, had previously been busted for vandalizing cars, licking a person’s face and attempting to bite a cop in 2016, according to KOIN News in Washington. He also reportedly broke out of prison in 2014, where he’d been doing time for burglary, sexual abuse and assault. Medlin’s most recent arrest came at 7:30 a.m. Tuesday when police responded to a break-in at a transit station Snack Shack. The suspect reportedly ran to a nearby grocery store, where officers caught up to him in the shop’s stockroom. Police say they used a stun gun after Medlin put his hands in his jacket and said he was going to shoot them. He stands accused of criminal mischief, menacing, disorderly Conduct, and resisting arrest, according to KOIN.

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Boner Candidate #2: THEY DIDN’T KNOW BECAUSE SOMEONE SHOT OUT THE WARNING SIGNS

WEST MOUNTAIN, Utah —Outrage grows in Utah County over the vandalism of ancient Native American rock art. A member of the Navaho tribe, Eileen Quintana visits West Mountain with her family to pray and give offerings to indigenous ancestors. “If you think about it, the voices are speaking to us 10,000 years back,” Quintana said. Ancient indigenous rock art is carved into dozens of boulders on the mountain on the east side of Utah Lake. “This place holds a lot of history,” Quintana said. Many rock art pieces being damaged by recreational target shooters on federal land managed by the Bureau of Land Management. Other rock art was spray-painted over with swastikas and other damaging graffiti. “To tell you the truth, it does really hurt,” Quintana said. Desperate, Eileen reached out to state archeologists in April. “It’s absolutely heartbreaking,” said Elizabeth Hora, Utah State Historic Preservation Office public archaeologist.

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Boner Candidate #3: LIKE MY GIANT MATING EAGLES CLOCK?

John Schnatter — the “Papa John” of pizza chain fame  — is using his time at home to show off his $11 million mansion on his new TikTok account. Giant spinning mating eagles clock? Check. Moat? Check. Papa John’s founder John Schnatter gave an “MTV Cribs”-style tour of his mansion on TikTok, and it’s pretty much as eccentric as you’d expect from the controversial former CEO of the pizza empire. Schnatter ― who resigned as board chairman of the pizza chain in 2018 after reports that he used a racial slur in a conference call ― gave followers a peek at his self-named “Papa Castle” on Tuesday after recently joining the video platform. The $11 million mansion is the most expensive home in Louisville, Kentucky, USA Today reported last December. In other videos shared on the platform last month, Schnatter showed off what appears to be a vintage car collection and also a private helicopter. It all sits on a nearly 16-acre block of land, People reported. “Howdy. Papa John. Welcome to my crib,” Schnatter says at the start of the 55-second video. Viewers then see a shot of the mansion’s exterior ― complete with turrets and a moat.

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