Boners

Boner of the Day for May 15th, 2020

ROUND ONE

BONER CANDIDATE #1: THANKS A LOT FOR NOT HELPING

The Polk County Sheriff’s Office is trying to identify a man who was caught on surveillance video attacking another customer at a liquor store in Lakeland. The alleged attack happened at the Publix Liquor store on Highway 540A East around 12:30 p.m. Saturday. According to deputies, the attack stemmed from the suspect getting upset that the victim didn’t thank him for holding the door open. The victim, who is seen in video released by the sheriff’s office wearing a tan-colored hat, told deputies he walked into the liquor store while the suspect held the door open. The suspect, who is seen wearing a black and gray shirt and a black hat, then reportedly asked, “you don’t say ‘thank you’ to people who hold the door open for you?” The victim said he responded, saying “thank you.” “But apparently that wasn’t enough,” Polk County Sheriff Grady Judd said. “Because our now suspect, who was originally a gentleman, started jawing back and forth. That’s a southern vernacular for talking back to each other.”   Read More

BONER CANDIDATE #2: THIS ISN’T A POLITICAL STUNT, I’M SUPPORTING THE FIRST AMENDMENT

Republican Kaysville Mayor Katie Witt — who is running for Congress in Utah’s 1st District — is openly defying the state’s COVID-19 restrictions by allowing a protest group to hold an outdoor concert by country music star Collin Raye on May 30 in a city park. “It does violate state directives,” she said in an interview. “I believe I need to support people’s First Amendment Rights. I am clearing space for them and allowing them to exercise their First Amendment rights in a safe and responsible way.” The state is shifting its directives in Davis County from moderate “orange” to low risk “yellow,” but that still bans public gatherings of more than 50 people. Witt said the outdoor concert with a big-name star — Raye has had 16 No. 1 country hits — will easily exceed that. But she said the concert’s sponsor, Utah Business Revival, a group that has sponsored other events and protests calling for the state to lift COVID-19 restrictions, is asking people to wear masks and exercise proper social distancing, so she believes it will be safe.   Read More

BONER CANDIDATE #3: REAL MEN AREN’T AFRAID OF SOME LITTLE VIRUS

As the coronavirus death toll ticks up and some states ease their restrictions, a new study suggests that men might be more likely to leave their face coverings at home. Men in the U.S. report less intention than women to wear face coverings, especially in counties that don’t mandate wearing them, according to a paper authored by researchers from Middlesex University London in the U.K. and the Mathematical Science Research Institute in Berkeley, Calif. This, the authors say, suggests that making face coverings mandatory “has a larger effect on men than on women.” Men are also less likely to believe they’ll be seriously impacted by COVID-19, despite data to the contrary, the research found. “The fact that men less than women intend to wear a face covering can be partly explained by the fact that men more than women believe that they will be relatively unaffected by the disease,” co-authors Valerio Capraro and Hélène Barcelo wrote.   Read More

ROUND TWO

BONER CANDIDATE #1: YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN YOU MIGHT NEED A BOTTLE OF PEE

Authorities in Georgia are searching for a woman accused of tossing a bottle of bodily fluids through a fast-food drive-thru window. Sheriff’s deputies were called last week to a Taco Bell, where the store manager told them an unidentified woman threw a bottle of urine and feces through the window. Other employees added that the woman leaned out of the rear passenger window and squeezed the bottle of fluids at the drive-thru before throwing it inside.   Read More

BONER CANDIDATE #2: LISTEN TO ME AND GIVE ME MONEY

Greg Anderson, a Port of Seattle police officer and Special Forces veteran, has a problem with the direction this country is headed during the coronavirus pandemic. He’s prepared to lose his job over it. In a viral Instagram video, Anderson urged fellow law enforcement officers to basically allow citizens their constitutional right to flout stay-at-home orders and go about their business. “I’m seeing people arrested or cited for going to church. I don’t know what crime people are committing for doing nails in their own house,” Anderson said in the video last week. “We have to ask ourselves as officers, ‘Is what I am doing right?’” Pushing his defiant stance against the lockdown, he went on to say he hopes it doesn’t get to the point where we have “to defend our constitutional rights against the government.”   Read More

BONER CANDIDATE #3: IF YOU’RE LOSING AT CARDS, TRY THIS

Arrest warrants were issued Thursday for two N.F.L. players who were accused of armed robbery at a cookout they attended near Miami the night before. The players — New York Giants cornerback Deandre Baker and Quinton Dunbar, a cornerback for the Seattle Seahawks — robbed other guests at the party at gunpoint and left with thousands of dollars in cash and wristwatches worth tens of thousands of dollars, according to arrest warrants issued by the Miramar Police Department. Baker, Dunbar and a third man then left in high-priced cars, the arrest warrants said. Baker and Dunbar were both charged with four counts of armed robbery. Baker was also charged with four counts of aggravated assault. Tania Rues, a spokeswoman for the Miramar police, said Thursday night that the two players had not been arrested and that the police were in contact with the N.F.L. and a lawyer who is representing one of the players.   Read More


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