ROUND ONE
Boner Candidate #1: LOOK AT ALL THE COVID MONEY WE GOT.
By use of fraudulent unemployment claims, a group of Brooklyn men stole ~$2 million in Covid-19 relief checks. Some of the men ‘flexed’ their stacks of cash on social media.
Boner Candidate #2: OKAY. WHAT HAPPENED TO THE CHICKENS THEN?
The 2020 election was once again attacked for being a ‘fraud’ and simply being ‘political theater’ by the Republican-controlled Maricopa County Board of Supervisors. Specifically, the board claims that republican ballots were torn up, and fed to chickens.
Boner Candidate #3: BUGZIE THE DON HAS A NEW RECORD OUT.
A photoshoot featuring rapper Antionne DeShaun Brodnax atop a SWAT truck at the US capitol on January 6, has unsurprisingly led to federal charges. The good news is, the picture made for a great album cover.
ROUND TWO
Boner Candidate #1: OUR KID WAS IN THAT TRUCK
A couple stuck behind a police car in traffic, decided to falsely report a missing child to get the truck to speed up.
Boner Candidate #2: I WAS TRYING TO GO BACK TO CUBA
A Florida man, was charged with speeding after he fled from police. He claimed he was on his way back to Cuba.
Boner Candidate #3: WELL JOE I WISH YOU WOULD BE SILENT
Joe Rogan has once again achieved his goal of being a disillusioned radio host with equally uninformed statements. This time, he claimed that ‘woke culture’ would silence straight white men.
