Boner of the Day

Boner of the Day for May 21st, 2019

Round 1

Candidate #1: DADDY NEEDS A MASSAGE.

Father’s Day is just around the corner, so please enjoy this heartwarming tale of the man who allegedly stole his daughter’s Girl Scout cookie earnings so he could get an erotic massage.According to the New York Post, 40-year-old Brian Couture of Forest Grove, Oregon, called police in early March claiming his house had been broken into. When they arrived, they found the house basically destroyed, and “spotted blood strewn about the residence.” Couture explained that someone broke into his home and burglarized him, and that in addition to a damaged laptop, around $700 of his daughter’s cookie sale proceeds were missing. Unfortunately for Couture, his story fell apart pretty fast:

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Candidate #2: THERE’S TOO MUCH HATE IN THE WORLD.

A woman accused of trying to kill her boyfriend by feeding him spoonfuls of Drano was scheduled to be back in court Monday. Elle Yoshio Weissman, 43, of South Salt Lake, is charged in 3rd District Court with attempted aggravated murder, a first-degree felony; and surreptitious administering of a certain substance, a second-degree felony.
On April 29, Weissman gave her 50-year-old boyfriend “a spoonful of Drano crystals and then some water while he was very sleepy,” according to charging documents. She told him it was his medicine, the charges state. Weissman told police “that she was helping (the boyfriend) to have ‘eternal sleep’ and ‘death that way,'” the charges state.
In another interview with police, Weissman said “Earlier in the day, she felt there was too much ‘hate’ occurring and thought she and (her boyfriend) would be better off dead,” according to a recently unsealed search warrant affidavit.

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Candidate #3: I’M SO STUPID.

Read One Instagram model has been slammed on social media for defacing a 200-year-old statue in Poland, reportedly in hopes of gaining more followers. In recent days, influencer Julia Slonska has been blasted for a 6-second video in which she knocks the nose off an angel statue in Warsaw’s Swiss Valley Park, Metro reports.
In the clip, the woman makes eye contact with the camera and knocks the nose off the statue with a few swift strokes of a hammer. Cackling laughter can be heard in the background, and the clip ends; the footage has since been viewed more than 5,000 times on YouTube. According to Metro, Slonska and her pal pulled off the stunt in search of social media fame. Slonska currently has more than 6,000 followers on Instagram. Twitter users didn’t find the so-called prank quite so funny, however, with some declaring her actions “dumb and brainless” while others echoed that she should be jailed for the crime.More

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Round 2

Candidate #1: ISAAC IS SAFE.

A 19-year-old California man who stole a rare ring-tailed lemur from the Santa Ana Zoo signed a plea agreement Monday, the Department of Justice said. Aquinas Kasbar of Newport Beach agreed to plead guilty to one misdemeanor count of unlawfully taking an endangered species. He could face up to one year in prison, as well as a $100,000 fine. The animal in question, named Isaac, is a 32-year-old ring-tailed lemur — the oldest of its species in captivity in North America. The animals are only found in the wild in Madagascar and are among the 25 most endangered primates due in part to the illegal pet trade. Kasbar told federal prosecutors that he snuck into the zoo after hours on July 27, 2018, because he wanted a pet lemur. He used a bolt cutter to make a hole in the fence surrounding the lemur and capuchin monkey enclosure, which resulted in the escape of many of the exhibit’s animals. They were all retrieved, but the time spent to recapture the animals and repair the enclosure cost the Santa Ana Zoo approximately $8,486.

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Candidate #2: WOULD YOU LIKE ANOTHER CREPE?

Multiple middle school students are under investigation after they allegedly put bodily fluids into food served to their teachers, according to WBNS. The incident, which happened Thursday at Hyatts Middle School, could constitute felony assault, the Delaware County Sheriff’s Office said. Students allegedly put either urine or semen on crepes being served to teachers at the school. Video of the incident was shared with administrators the same day, WBNS reported. The school district released a statement saying the incident was under investigation and anybody found to have violated school policies will be “held accountable for their actions.”

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Candidate #3: WE NEED A SIGN THAT TELLS EVERYONE…THIS IS DOGTOWN.

The Bureau of Land Management announced Monday a $1,000 reward for information leading to the conviction of vandals who spray-painted graffiti at an important southern Utah archaeological site.The BLM recently learned through social media that Shinob Kibe, a mesa popular among residents and sacred site to local Paiute Indians, had been vandalized with the words “Dog Town,” a longtime derogatory nickname for Washington City. The mesa is tucked into Washington City near residential neighborhoods. “Restoring sites after deliberate vandalism is a complex, difficult process, and not always possible. Thoughtless actions such as these impact the public’s ability to enjoy the spectacular scenic values we have here in Washington County,” said BLM St. George Field Office Manager Keith Rigtrup in a statement. “The BLM is dedicated to protecting public lands for the enjoyment of future generations.”

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