Boner of the Day

Boner of the Day for May 22nd, 2019

Round One

Boner Candidate #1: I’M NOT GONG TO MARRY YOUR CROTCH GOBLIN

A bride-to-be has been branded a “terrible human being” in a viral Facebook post after asking if it is ok to ban her groom’s daughter, three, from attending their wedding. The unknown woman prompted outrage online after claiming she wanted to stop the little girl from attending the ceremony because she was marrying her partner, “not his crotch goblin”. In the post, which was shared in a Facebook wedding group on Monday, she detailed the reasons she didn’t want the toddler to attend after asking people in a wedding group for advice. She wrote: “I put ‘no kids’ on the invites so I thought he’d get the point, but he keeps mentioning her being there “I am marrying him, not his crotch goblin. That’s his mistake, not mine. I don’t’ want her there because she’s needy as f*** and makes everything about her AND I said no f***ing kids!” The woman’s post was met with a barrage of criticism, with the post attracting more than 1,000 comments. One person commented: “I’m pretty child-free and I think this is absolutely abhorrent. “If you don’t want to be in a partner’s kid’s life, don’t be with that person at all! When I was single I had a strict no dating parents policy for this reason.” Another shocked reader of the post wrote: “She’s three, of course she makes everything about her…that’s all she knows.

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Boner Candidate #2: WE’LL HAVE NO GAY RODENTS IN ALABAMA

Alabama Public Television says it won’t air an episode of the children’s show “Arthur” that featured a same-sex marriage. “Mr. Ratburn and the Special Someone” aired as the premiere for the show’s 22nd season on May 13. But not in Alabama. Programming director Mike McKenzie says Alabama Public Television has no plans to broadcast the episode. The storyline about Mr. Ratburn’s marriage conveys a positive message, he said. But while many parents will find it appropriate, many others will disagree, he said — “either because their children are too young, or because of their beliefs.” “Our broadcast would take away the choice of parents who feel it is inappropriate,” McKenzie told CNN in a statement. CNN has reached out to WGBH, which produces the series, and is waiting to hear back. PBS told CNN that its local channels decide what to put on the air in their markets. “PBS Kids programs are designed to reflect the diversity of communities across the nation,” PBS Kids’ Maria Vera Whelan told CNN. “We believe it is important to represent the wide array of adults in the lives of children who look to PBS Kids every day.” The show’s creator told CNN he felt like the episode was a responsibility they had with Arthur. Mark Brown cited his friend Fred Rogers, better known as Mister Rogers, who taught him how television could be used to help children in families. “So many of us have have family or friends who are gay who are not represented in the media,” Brown says. “We have people in our family that are gay and raising children and looking for things to validate their families.”

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Boner Candidate #3: SOMEONE PLEASE RECLAIM BEN’S TIME.

On Tuesday, Housing and Urban Development (HUD) Secretary Ben Carson testified before Rep. Maxine Waters’s (D-CA) Financial Services Committee for the first time since Waters became the chair in January. His performance did not go well. Carson — a former brain surgeon and Republican presidential candidate whom President Donald Trump nominated as his HUD secretary in 2017 despite his complete lack of relevant experience — tried to defend a budget proposal that would cut 16.4 percent from HUD’s budget. He was also questioned about a plan HUD announced last year to impose rent increases of as much as 150 percent on people who live in subsidized housing. But in trying to explain these proposals, Carson demonstrated a shocking level of condescension toward members of Congress, as well as a lack of familiarity with basic housing terminology. During an exchange with Rep. Katie Porter (D-CA), Carson revealed that he’s unfamiliar with a common acronym used to described foreclosed properties — REO, which stands for real-estate owned. “Do you know what an REO is?” Porter asked. “An Oreo?” Carson replied, apparently thinking of cookies.

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For Democrats on the House Financial Services Committee, Ben Carson’s unfamiliarity with certain abbreviations is nothing to LOL about. The lawmakers, perhaps in coordination or perhaps by chance, used a committee hearing Tuesday to repeatedly grill the secretary of Housing and Urban Development on the meaning of obscure acronyms — and then mocked him for not knowing. “I’d also like for you to get back to me – if you don’t mind – to explain the disparity in REO rates. Do you know what an REO is?” California Democratic Rep. Katie Porter asked. Carson responded, “OREO?” “No, not an Oreo. An REO,” Porter shot back, explaining she was asking about real-estate owned properties. Shortly afterward, her office captured the exchange for Twitter posterity. “I asked @SecretaryCarson about REOs – a basic term related to foreclosure – at a hearing today,” she tweeted. “He thought I was referring to a chocolate sandwich cookie. No, really.”

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Round Two

Boner Candidate #1: GET THOSE DAMN CLOTHES OFF!

Mississippi House Speaker Philip Gunn on Tuesday said he wants a state representative accused of domestic violence to resign if allegations are true that he punched his wife in the face for not undressing quickly enough when he wanted to have sex. Gunn in a statement called the alleged actions of Republican state Rep. Doug McLeod “unacceptable.” McLeod was arrested Saturday at his home in Lucedale. A George County Sheriff’s Department investigative report obtained by the Sun Herald says McLeod, 58, was visibly drunk when deputies arrived at the family’s home Saturday night. Deputies report McLeod had punched his wife and bloodied her nose. They found blood on the bed and bedroom floor. When McLeod opened the door and officers told him they were responding to a report of a domestic assault, they wrote that he replied “Are you kidding me?” The deputies said they could hear McLeod when he walked back inside, yelling that “the cops are here.”

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Boner Candidate #2: THE GREAT ESCAPE

A North Carolina day care is slated to close  after six children wandered away from the facility several months ago, according to the Winston-Salem Journal. The paper reports that Pinedale Christian Day Care Inc. voluntarily contacted state officials to inform them that they would end operations by June 11. The news comes after a Dec. 4, 2018 incident that left leaders at the school “devastatingly embarrassed.” A group of toddlers managed to slip out of an enclosed playground unnoticed; five of the kids made their way to Peters Creek Parkway, a busy, 55 mph thoroughfare. “It was disbelief, and it was shock, and then at some point it was complete devastation,” Matthew Sink, minister at Pinedale Christian Church, told WGHP after the incident. Sink said there was a class of 20 children at the playground, who were being monitored by two teachers. Six of the children went through a door, into a church hallway, and made their way to the front doors of the church where they went outside. From there, five went up a hill and were found alongside – or on – Peters Creek Parkway. One woman reported seeing a boy running down the center lane of the road, then noticed four other toddlers in the care of another driver who pulled over after noticing the children.

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Boner Candidate #3: EMMA MUST DIE

Over the protests of shelter workers, a healthy dog was euthanized so she could be buried with her dead owner in accordance with the Virginia woman’s will, according to WWBT. The Shih Tzu named Emma was temporarily placed at the Chesterfield Animal Shelter, where staff members tried for two weeks to talk the executor of the will out of putting the dog down. Carrie Jones, a manager at Chesterfield Animal Services, told WWBT that Emma would have been easy to place in a new home, but the person carrying out her late owner’s last wishes came back for the dog on March 22. Emma was euthanized at an area veterinarian’s office and then cremated. The local news station reports that Emma’s ashes were given to the representative of the estate. Virginia law sees dogs as personal property and, while it isn’t illegal to euthanize a healthy pet, ethical considerations may prevent vets from performing the procedure. Current law defines a cemetery as “any land or structure used or intended to be used for the interment of human remains,” but WWBT reports that family-owned and private cemeteries are treated as exceptions.

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