ROUND ONE
Boner Candidate #1: METH. I’M ON IT.
South Dakota governor Kristi Noem unveiled her state’s new anti-drug campaign on Monday, but many are criticizing the program’s name, “Meth. We’re On It.” The Argus Leader reported that the state spent $449,000 on the program, which includes television advertising, billboards, posters and a website. Noem released a video today where she introduces the campaign. In it, she says “South Dakota’s meth crisis is growing at an alarming rate. It impacts every community in our state, and it threatens the success of the next generation” and asks South Dakotans to call a toll-free number to report meth-related behavior or people who need help getting off the drug.” The new campaign is only a part of Noem’s attempt to address South Dakota’s drug program. When she presented her state budget in January, the governor carved out $4.6 million towards anti-methamphetamine efforts. Read More
Boner Candidate #2: YUCK. I MEAN JUST YUCK.
When we look back on the year 2019 in music, future generations of humanity will surely only remember one thing — the time that Counting Crows frontman Adam Duritz shaved off his iconic, decades-old dreadlocks. Those planning a future museum exhibit surrounding the ratty hairs should fear not, however, because he kept them in a baggie at his friend’s house. In August, Adam bid farewell to the mop that had helped define his career. Now, in a new interview with SiriusXM, he opened up about the tough but ultimately heartening experience. “I’d been thinking about it for a while,” he said of his decision to shed the dreads. “I was getting tired of it.” Ultimately, he made the swift decision while visiting London. On a whim, he shaved them and saved them in a baggie at his friend’s house. He forgot to take them home, however, so hopefully his British buddy didn’t toss them in the bin. Read More
Boner Candidate #3: DEEP WITHIN HIS BELLY BUTTON CAVITY
NOVEMBER 18–Following his arrest for possession of a hypodermic needle containing methamphetamine, a 380-pound Florida Man was hit with additional felony charges after jail personnel discovered a bag of meth “wedged deep within the belly button cavity of the defendant,” according to a court affidavit. Police responding late Friday to a suspicious person call placed by employees of a McDonald’s in Clearwater arrested Martin Skelly when a search of the 41-year-old St. Petersburg resident turned up the loaded needle. Following Skelly’s collar for possession of narcotics and drug paraphernalia, cops asked him if he was in possession of any other contraband, since he could face additional charges if he brought illegal items into the county jail. Seen above, Skelly denied having “any additional contraband on his person.” However, during intake processing at the jail, Skelly was subjected to a thorough body search that resulted in the discovery of a small plastic bag containing 2.7 grams of meth. A jail deputy reported that the baggie was “wedged deep within the belly button cavity” of the 5’ 8” defendant. Read More
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ROUND TWO
Boner Candidate #1: VASECTOMY, CIRCUMCISION….WHAT’S THE DIFF?
A jury in Iowa has awarded $1.4 million to a Burmese immigrant who wanted a circumcision but instead got a vasectomy. The Des Moines Register reports that the jury last week leveled a $2 million judgment against Dr. Kevin Birusingh, who performed the vasectomy. But jurors decided the man who filed the lawsuit, Zaw Zaw, was 30% responsible. Zaw is a 41-year-old refugee from Myanmar. He sued in November 2017, nearly two years after the errant procedure. Birusingh’s attorney says Zaw, who is not fluent in English, signed two informed consents that were translated into Burmese, and completed four consultations before undergoing the procedure. The lawsuit says there’s no word for “vasectomy” in Burmese. Zaw’s attorney, Marc Harding, says a doctor’s referral documents showed Zaw was seeking a circumcision. Read More
Boner Candidate #2: WELL IF YOU’RE GONNA KILL WOMEN, YOU’LL NEED YOUR GUNS
Wash. — The authorities in the Seattle area came across an alarming photo on social media at the beginning of October. It showed a man holding two AK-47-style rifles. The caption above read: “one ticket for joker please.” With only a couple of days left before the opening of the “Joker” movie, law enforcement agencies scrambled to assess the threat level of the message. As detectives waded through the man’s online history, they encountered additional troubling posts: Charels Donnelly, 23, talked about threatening his mother with a gun and described fantasies about hurting women. “i will shoot any woman any time for any reason,” he posted on Twitter.
Thanks to the state’s fledgling “red flag” law meant to help prevent gun violence, police in Redmond won a temporary court order to seize Mr. Donnelly’s weapons from his home: three handguns and three rifles, including an AK-47-style rifle and its accompanying magazines. Read More
Boner Candidate #3: BRING BACK THEIR DINOSAUR
Orange cones and closures have slowed traffic and business for one family-owned gas station, and now after two years of roadwork, they’re left with declining sales and a major theft. For two years, the roadway near 1700 South and 1300 East has been closed for construction. All the while, the store next to it has quietly sat open. “Business is getting slower,” said Tha Imran, the owner of Sharooz Sinclair. Day in and day out, Imran and her family have watched as plenty of cars drive through their parking lot. But, only a few stop — the rest treat it like a shortcut. “Gas sales go down and the inside is also affected because nobody can go in and go out,” Imran said. “We’re surviving, you know, what should we do?” Now, not only is the closed street literally driving away business, they believe it’s attracting thieves. “Where’s your dinosaur? So then we said, ‘uh oh,’” Imran said recalling the encounter with one of their regular delivery drivers. Their 7-foot-long Sinclair mascot was dino-napped overnight. “It costs like $3,000,” Imran said. “How are they going to take it and where are they going to put it? It’s like seven feet long… I can’t believe it!” Read More
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