November 29 Boner Candidates
ROUND ONE
Boner Candidate #1: SHE WAS MORE COMFORTABLE THAN THE BENCH.
A Florida man was arrested and charged with simple battery after sitting on a woman who was using gym equipment rather than waiting for his turn on Novemer 29th.
Boner Candidate #2: I’M GUESSING THE APOLOGY WASN’T THAT SINCERE.
USC’s athletic department issued a public apology because an “offensive chant” was heard coming from their student section during Saturday night’s game against BYU. The chant being heard was apparently “f*** the Mormons”.
Boner Candidate #3: ANYBODY MISSING SOME URANIUM?
On Wednesday, hazardous materials crews were sent to investigate a trailer behind a strip mall in Roy and found that the trailer contained a radioactive material called Thorium.
ROUND TWO
Boner Candidate #1: YOU LIKE IT. YOU KNOW YOU DO.
A Florida woman has been arrested on several different charges after she entered a home, completely undressed, and started hugging and sitting on people.
Boner Candidate #2: MAYBE THEY SHOULD HAVE MADE URBAN MEYER DO THE BUNGEE THING.
During a game against the Falcons on Sunday, the Jacksonville Jaguars’ mascot, Jaxon DeVille, attempted to Bungie jump into the stadium and had to be lowered down into the crowd after his cord got stuck.
Boner Candidate #3: GOTTA GET THE DEVIL OUT.
A Layton man has been arrested after officers discovered that he had gotten in an argument with his wife and locked her in a bedroom. He then cut his hand open and smeared blood on his wife in order to “get the Devil out”.