ROUND ONE
BONER CANDIDATE #1: I THINK I WAS BEING A RESPONSIBLE DRUNK
A Louisiana man allegedly stole an electric-powered shopping cart from a Walmart store and drove it to a bar to avoid being picked up for drunk driving, investigators said. Deputies responded early Sunday morning after receiving a complaint about someone arriving at a bar in Houma in a shopping cart, according to the Terrebonne Parish Sheriff’s Office. Investigators say they found the cart parked between two cars in the bar’s parking lot, CBS affiliate WWL reported. Brice Kendell Williams, 32, allegedly told deputies he stole the cart from a nearby Walmart and drove it to a bar about a half mile away from the store. He claimed he was at a different bar and believed he could be charged with DWI if he drove his own vehicle to the second bar. Read More
BONER CANDIDATE #2: A BIG DRUG BUST? MAYBE NOT SO MUCH.
When is a big drug bust not a big drug bust? The NYPD 75th Precinct took to Twitter on Tuesday to brag about 106 pounds of marijuana it seized from a delivery “destined for our city streets.” One problem: That “marijuana” turned out actually to be legally-grown hemp from licensed Vermont farmers, bound for a CBD store in Brooklyn. The hemp contained no significant level of the THC component that gives cannabis its narcotic effects. The tweet showed a photo of two officers surrounded by dozens of plant-filled bags displayed on several tables. “Officers Greenidge and Ganshaw from the @NYPD75Pct used precision policing and relentless follow-up, along with a great working relationship with @FedEx and other local law enforcement officials, to confiscate 106 pounds of marijuana that was destined for our city streets,” the tweet read. “Everything was fine,” said Jahala Dudley of Fox Holler Farms. “We’ve done shipments with FedEx before, many times.” Dudley’s farm shipped more than $17,000 worth of their product to Brooklyn on Friday night. “It’s all legal and we did everything by the books,” said Buddy Koerner, also of Fox Holler Farms. “We really tried to do everything the right way.” The product was coming to John Dee, the owner of Green Angels CBD shop. His brother was arrested when he went to pick it up. “My product helps people with autism, it helps people with anxiety depression – many different health issues it helps for,” said Dee. Growing hemp commercially became legal last year under the 2018 Farm Bill thanks in part to the advocacy of Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell. The CBD shop responded to the tweet on Instagram, citing the paperwork for the hemp was accounted for with the shipment. Read More
BONER CANDIDATE #3: YOU WANT THE BOYS TO LIKE YOU? DROP A FEW POUNDS, WHY DON’T YOU.
A man who told his daughter that she should lose weight in order to get attention from men says he now wonders if he crossed the line. The doting father shared his parental conundrum in a Reddit post, detailing his 24-year-old daughter’s struggle with finding a boyfriend. “My daughter is very overweight (5’3 and about 200 lbs). She always talks about how she wants a boyfriend, and she has never had one,” the father, who is 52, wrote. One day at the dinner table, he said, his daughter went on a “long rant” about her love life — or lack thereof. “She was saying that it’s unfair that all her friends have boyfriends and get attention from guys,” he said, “and how guys are [expletive] who never give her the time of day.” “She’s gone on similar rants before, where she acts like it is inexplicable why she is not getting the same attention,” he added. Deciding to impart some fatherly advice, he suggested that shedding a few pounds could do his daughter some good. “I told her delicately that it could be helpful to try losing some weight,” he wrote, “that unfortunately people are often shallow and that could be something that would help her get male attention, feel more confident, and also generally be healthier.” Read More
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ROUND TWO
BONER CANDIDATE #1: MAN, WHAT A DOPE WEDDING
This couple is blazing a new life together. A bride and groom celebrated their new union not with a champagne toast using personalized glasses – but with a bong rip using specially-made “Mr.” and “Mrs.” glass water pipes. Incorporating weed into the October wedding was natural for the couple, who exchanged vows in Santa Cruz, Calif., where marijuana is legal, as the pair run a vlog, Coral Reefer, and various social media accounts dedicated to the substance. On one of the Instagram accounts Coral Reefer runs, she posted a photo of the pair lighting up their respective bongs with the caption, “To have and to toke, forever and ever.” Reefer followed-up with more photos from the day, showing her in her dress blowing smoke while her husband, Mio, looks on in the background. The couple’s incorporation of cannabis into their photos was well received on social media. “This is so awesome!” one wrote. “Toke on!” another shared. “Dopest wedding pic ever,” another commented with three fire emoji. Read More
BONER CANDIDATE #2: I WAS PICKIN’ AT A WEDGIE
A 13-year-old Florida teenager was arrested for singing rap lyrics. According to Tampa’s local NBC-affiliate, the unidentified minor was taken into custody around 3 p.m. ET on Monday. He was charged with the false report of using a firearm in a violent manner. Per the Pasco Sheriff’s Office, the incident stemmed from the student being disruptive during his fifth-period class. The teen reportedly pulled down his pants to pick at a wedgie. He then allegedly declined his teacher’s request for him to return to his seat and continued talking to other students. At this point, the teacher ordered him to leave the room. Before exiting, his teacher claims that he turned around and said: “This is not over, I got my Glock 9.” The police report states that the incident and the remark was witnessed by two instructors. Upon his arrest, the teen and his mother were subjected to an interview with the authorities. During the conversation, the student admitted to making the comment. Yet he says that it was only a play on lyrics rapped by 9lokkNine. On the track “Bounce Out Wit Dat Glokk9,” 9lokkNine raps “We thugging, we got our Glock nine.” Read More
BONER CANDIDATE #3: I AM A DADDY LOOKING OUT FOR HIS LITTLE GIRL’S VIRTUE
In a recent appearance on the podcast Ladies Like Us, rapper T.I. revealed unsettling details about his boundary issues with his 18-year-old daughter, Deyjah Harris. The “Whatever You Like” singer explained that he accompanies Harris to the gynecologist for annual exams to “check her hymen,” which he believes confirms that she is still a virgin. “I’m like, ‘Deyjah, they want you to sign this so we can share information. Is there anything you wouldn’t want me to know? See doc? No problem,’” he said in the interview. “And so then they come and say, ‘Well I just want you to know that there are other ways besides sex that the hymen can be broken like bike riding, athletics, horseback riding and just other forms of athletic physical activity.’ So I say, ‘Look doc, she don’t ride no horses, she don’t ride no bike, she don’t play no sports. Just check the hymen please and give me back my results expeditiously.” As if that was not gross enough already, T.I. added, “I will say as of her 18th birthday, her hymen is still intact.” Read More
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