ROUND ONE
Boner Candidate #1: WE DON’T NEED YOUR LECTURES YA WANKER.
After calling an Australian territory’s Covid-19 response “covid tyranny,” it’s leader responded to Ted Cruz by saying “I’m glad we are nothing like you.” before comparing the death toll of the territory to Texas’s.
Boner Candidate #2: GOL! STOP CHASING ME.
A man called the police after stealing a U-haul to ask them to stop chasing after him.
Boner Candidate #3: IT’S MY BIGGEST WORRY
Republican Kera Birkeland, Utah State Representative said that her biggest fear is Americans who aren’t following guidelines from the CDC, or Dr. Fauci despite her party’s insistence that Dr. Fauci and the CDC can’t be trusted.
ROUND TWO
Boner Candidate #1: LOOKIN’ GOOD KEN.
Jimmy Featherstone, better known as the ‘human Ken doll’ said that he was slowly “killing himself” with illegal tanning injections.
Boner Candidate #2: I DID IT ON PURPOSE
Dennis Prager claimed that he consciously caught Covid-19, saying: “It is infinitely preferable to have natural immunity than vaccine immunity and that is what I hoped for the entire time. Hence, I so engaged with strangers, constantly hugging them, taking photos with them, knowing that I was making myself very susceptible to getting COVID,”
Boner Candidate #3: IF YOU ALL WILL STOP GOING TO HOOTERS HOOTERS WILL JUST GO AWAY.
TikTok users criticized Hooters for it’s new outfits which feature incredibly short shorts, to a point where they’re almost just panties. Hooters has since revised the policy.
