Boners

Boner of the Day for October 23rd, 2020

ROUND ONE

Boner Candidate #1: EENEY MEANY CHILI BEANY,

Talk about a grave error. A psychic stunned viewers of Drew Barrymore’s talk show by summoning the spirit of one of the actress’ dead relatives on-air. And none could have been more stunned than the relative in question — who turns out to be alive and well in Boston. Now Barrymore’s ex-husband is calling the medium “a submental hack.” Psychic Anna Raimondi gave her a reading on the show last week, and said she sensed the aura of a “judge.” Barrymore burst into tears, identifying the judge as David — a relative of her ex-husband Will Kopelman — whom she said had died. The psychic stoked Barrymore’s emotions, saying the presence of Kopelman’s family was evidence that “you are … a part of that family — it doesn’t matter [that] the two of you are not together anymore.” A small problem with the revelation: Judge David Kopelman is 82 and doing just fine. Art consultant Will — who was married to Barrymore from 2012 to 2016 — told us, “Drew and I have a close and highly amicable co-parenting relationship; I have and always will continue to cheer her on from the sidelines. That being said, the segment was a solid laugh considering my uncle Judge David Kopelman is still very much alive.”

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Boner Candidate #2: THE MOM CODE, OR CHOOSEY MOTHERS CHOOSE COVID.

SALT LAKE CITY (KUTV) — More than 1 million COVID-19 tests have now been administered in Utah during the pandemic. With a current 15.5% positivity rate, state health officials are desperate to slow the spread of the virus. Several people who spoke with 2News say there are a groups of parents who are refusing to allow their kids to be tested for COVID-19 in an attempt to keep schools open and avoid quarantines. “Parents are saying, ‘let’s not test’, just so they don’t have to worry about shutting down the sports teams,” said Genevra Prothero, a parent in the Davis School District. “I think that it is absolutely a disgrace.” Screen grabs provided to 2News from several parent Facebook groups in Utah school districts show what Prothero is referencing. “Please STOP getting tested!!! It is 100% unnecessary,” reads one post. “If your child shows Covid symptoms, keep them home but DO NOT test … If everyone would follow that the schools could stay open,” reads another.

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Boner Candidate #3: ARE YOU RUNNING TO BE THE STATE’S OFFICIAL LIAR MOUTH?

SALT LAKE CITY — Republican Utah Attorney General Sean Reyes stated in a debate with Democratic challenger Greg Skordas on Wednesday that the Utah Debate Commission knew he couldn’t answer questions about mask mandates. But commission co-chairman Wayne Niederhauser said the commission didn’t tell the Reyes campaign it wouldn’t ask about masks or any other issue. “We never talked to them about any specific questions,” he said. The commission puts together a list of questions on pertinent topics before a debate, which are asked by the moderator, reporters or college students. “We don’t acquiesce to the requests that we avoid certain questions,” he said. “That would be against our policy. We can ask any question that we feel is necessary.” During the debate, a Dixie State University student asked, “Do you support a broad mask-wearing mandate and, if so, do you think it would be legal?” Reyes said he couldn’t respond. “I’m defending those right now,” he said, apparently referring to a lawsuit some Utah residents filed against Gov. Gary Herbert last month over his executive order requiring children to wear masks at school. “I asked the debate commission. They knew I couldn’t respond to those questions, but if you want me to talk about mandates in general and you want me to talk about COVID generally I can, but I think it’s an unfair question,” Reyes said.

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ROUND TWO

Boner Candidate #1: THEY HAD BEEN DRINKING HEAVILY, YOU SAY?

A woman has been hit with a £230 ($300) fine for having an illicit sex session with a stranger on a busy pavement in broad daylight. Kate Jackson has also been handed a 12 month community order after the ‘al fresco’ sex in front of shoppers at 3.43pm. Jackson, 40, was waiting for a train home in Stalybridge, Greater Manchester on August 10 when she realized the train was delayed. While waiting she got chatting with a stranger before passers-by saw her having intercourse with 44-year old Jonathon Pisani shortly after. The pair both admitted outraging public decency, with Pisani due to appear in court for sentencing in December. Initially a member of the public called police believing Jackson was being raped by Pisani. But council CCTV operators noticed the pair kissing passionately outside a nearby nightclub. The camera was said to have then panned back to see Jackson and Pisani lying on the pavement cuddling each other. Eventually she pulled him on top of her before they began romping as shoppers walked past.

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Boner Candidate #2: WE’VE GOT SOME GOOD GEAR FOR SALE HERE

(KUTV) — Orem Police announced the arrest of three people accused of stealing equipment from firefighters who were working to contain the Range Fire in Provo Canyon. Detectives were able to track them after the stolen items were posted online, police said in a Facebook post on Thursday. Kerry Clift is one of three men accused of stealing equipment from vehicles of firefighters who were working to contain the Range Fire. At the time of their arrest, the three were also found in possession of a stolen vehicle, police said. Timothy Newton is one of three men accused of stealing equipment from vehicles of firefighters who were working to contain the Range Fire. The suspects were identified as 41-year-old William Strange, 44-year-old Kerry Clift, and 25-year-old Timothy Newton. William Strange is one of three men accused of stealing equipment from vehicles of firefighters who were working to contain the Range Fire. Chainsaws and other gear were stolen from the firefighters’ vehicles while they were parked at local hotels, police said previously. Since the fire sparked on Saturday, the Range Fire has burned 3,496 acres and is 57% contained.

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Boner Candidate #3: I’M IMMUNE DUE TO MUTUAL RESPECT.

NFL star Odell Beckham Jr. doesn’t believe coronavirus — which has killed more than 222,000 Americans — can affect him due to what he called a “mutual respect” between himself and the virus. The Cleveland Browns wide receiver made the controversial comment this week after missing two practices due to an illness that wasn’t coronavirus-related, CBS Sports reported. “Not in an arrogant way,” Beckham Jr. said when asked about his concerns about the virus, as reported by USA Today. “I don’t think COVID can get to me. I don’t think it’s going to enter this body.” “I don’t want no parts of it, it don’t want no parts of me,” he added. “It’s a mutual respect.” According to a New York Times database, an estimated 5,149 people have died from the virus just in Ohio, where the Browns play. Beckham Jr.’s comments were widely criticized on social media, where people correctly pointed out that the virus does not discriminate about who it infects. “That’s what my brother and his wife thought, too,” Twitter user Ray Hawkins wrote, in part, in response to Beckham’s comments. “Now they’re both quarantining for 14 days having tested positive, as has their two best friends.” Coronavirus has been shown to affect people differently, and it’s largely regarded that people over the age of 65 and those with preexisting conditions are more likely to experience severe symptoms.

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