Boner of the Day

Boner of the Day for October 31st, 2019

ROUND ONE

Boner Candidate #1: I HAVE A MENSTRUATION SPREAD SHEET

The Missouri state health director, Dr. Randall Williams, testified at a state hearing Tuesday that he kept a spreadsheet to track the menstrual periods of women who visited Planned Parenthood, an action that one lawmaker has called on the governor to investigate. The spreadsheet, which was made at Williams’ request by the state’s main inspector, helped to identify patients who had undergone failed abortions. The revelation came on the second day of an administrative commission hearing that will help decide whether Planned Parenthood can keep its license to perform abortions. Williams testified that the investigation of Planned Parenthood began after state inspectors found evidence of a failed abortion that didn’t have a corresponding complication report logged with the state. Read More

Boner Candidate #2: THE ONLY TEETH YOU SHOULD FIND IN YOUR CHOW MIEN ARE YOUR OWN

There’s no way to explain it without it being super gross. A couple from Solihull in the United Kingdom claims that they found what might be one of the worst things someone can find in their take-out Chinese food: a human tooth. Even worse, the restaurant reportedly denied that the item was a tooth, despite the couple’s evidence that suggested otherwise. Stephanie McDonough posted photos of the gross-looking find on her Facebook page. The photos show an object that clearly resembles a tooth but, according to her post’s caption, the restaurant denied that the item was a tooth. They instead insisted that it was “gristle from the pork” or that it could be “from the onion.” Read More

Boner Candidate #3: EXCUSE ME. OFFICER I’M THE DEAD WOMAN

A Bluffdale woman has been charged with a felony for posing as her husband to text his suspected mistress that he had killed his wife, to see how she would react. On June 25, the husband told police he and his wife were arguing because he was talking to the other woman; the wife said he was cheating on her with the woman, investigators wrote in charging documents. The wife used her husband’s phone to text the other woman, police wrote. Posing as her husband, she wrote that he had shot his wife and didn’t know what to do. The woman texted back to ask whether he was serious, and, still posing as the husband, the wife confirmed “it wasn’t a joke,” police wrote. The woman asked if she should call an ambulance, and received the reply, “Yes,” police wrote. She called 911 and directed responders to the couple’s house. Read More

ROUND TWO

Boner Candidate #1: HEY BABY, DID YOU CALL FOR A LITTLE HELP?

School district officials in Lancaster apologized Tuesday after accidentally distributing middle school student identification cards that listed the number to a sex hotline labeled under the number for the Suicide Hotline. The error came from two digits being transposed, according to Dr. Michele Bowers, the superintendent for the Lancaster School District. After being made aware of the error, New Vista Middle School administrators were instructed to collect all student ID cards, with new replacement student ID cards being printed and distributed as soon as possible, Bowers said. Hopefully, no students that needed help called the number on the ID card. That would have made for an awkward phone call, to say the least. Read More

Boner Candidate #2: SURE YOU HAVE A RIGHT TO DO IT, BUT BE A LITTLE SENSITIVE TO THE NEIGHBORS

Officials in a Utah community say they’ve received “more than a few” complaints over a family’s Halloween display that includes a guillotine chopping off the heads of baby dolls. However, the city attorney for Brigham City, Michael Christiansen, said the display isn’t a public nuisance under the city code even though “it’s distasteful to some.”
KUTV-TV reports that In addition to the guillotine, the lawn display also includes a bloody nurse standing over a baby incubator containing angry looking babies and baby parts. Julie Bawden said her family’s annual Halloween displays are just intended “to be spooky and fun.” Neighbor Claudia Perry said she objects to the display, saying it’s too much. In Perry’s words, “how far are they going to go? And where are we going to stop?” Read More

Boner Candidate #3: WHERE DO YOU KEEP YOUR WEED?

A man who snuck a bag of cannabis into prison in his nose 18 years ago has finally had the dried-up weed removed from his nasal cavity, according to a new case report published in British Medical Journal Case Reports. It is the “first reported case of a prison-acquired marijuana-based rhinolith,” also known as a nose stone, said a team led by Murray Smith, a physician at Westmead Hospital in Sydney, Australia. “During a prison visit, the patient’s girlfriend supplied him with a small quantity of marijuana, inside a rubber balloon,” Smith and his colleagues note in the report, which is entitled “a nose out of joint.” The patient, who is now 48, slipped the package into his right nostril, and was able to hide it from prison guards this way. But when he tried to retrieve it, he accidentally lodged the pot deeper into his nasal cavity and assumed that he had unknowingly swallowed it at some point. Read More


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