Alt. Rock News

Boner of the Day for September 24th, 2019

Round One

Boner Candidate #1: I WANT MY FAIR SHARE OF TOMATOES

A teenager from Florida who ‘wanted to eat more than her fair share of tomatoes’ for dinner, is now facing criminal charges after allegedly attacking members of her own family. Katie Jade Gates, 19, allegedly assaulted elderly relatives who tried to put a stop to her taking seconds of the healthy dish and became incensed when she was told ‘no’. Gates’s grandmother told police that the teenager ‘began to throw a fit because she couldn’t have more tomatoes at the dinner table.’  Gates then allegedly threw a temper tantrum and hurled a bottle of water at her grandfather and a pack of cigarettes her 73-year-old grandmother, which caught her in the eye.  After being confronted about her behavior by her grandfather, Gates allegedly grabbed a knife and began threatening him with it according to The Smoking Gun.

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Boner Candidate #2: STEP ASIDE LITTLE SWEEDE

Just as teen eco-warrior Greta Thunberg was about to make her big entrance at the UN Climate Summit in New York – an event she has campaigned tirelessly for – climate change denier Donald Trump cut in front of her, effectively stealing her moment. A cascade of emotions paraded across the 16-year-old Swedish activist’s face as she watched the US president walk in front of her and speak to reporters at Monday’s summit addressing an issue he believes is ‘fake news’. As clips of Thunberg’s reaction have gone viral on social media, DailyMail.com spoke to body language expert Patti Wood about the science behind her expressions. ‘We saw her face transform. We saw her ready to go be introduced, and then you saw puzzlement, and then you have what I call “dagger eyes”,’ Wood said, describing how Thunberg’s eyebrows tilted inward.

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Boner Candidate #3: WHAT AN ANDY DICK.

Andy Dick reportedly has an active warrant for his arrest after allegedly groping an Uber driver in Los Angeles. The 53-year-old comedian has a history of groping accusations against him as well as a history of drug and alcohol abuse. He has been to rehab more than a dozen times and is open about his attempts at sober living. A rep for Dick did not immediately return Fox News’ request for comment. The Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Department had no comment when reached by Fox News. According to TMZ, Dick is wanted for an incident that allegedly took place in April 2018, in which he is accused of reaching over and grabbing his Uber driver’s crotch. The driver reportedly filed a police report with the L.A. County Sheriff soon after. The outlet reports that a warrant for misdemeanor sexual battery was issued for Dick last March, but he has not yet been brought in.

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Round Two

Boner Candidate #1: YOU TRY DOING THIS JOB SOBER

A school bus driver in Longview, Washington, faces charges of driving under the influence and reckless endangerment after a child who had just gotten off the bus called 911, claiming the driver was intoxicated, police said. Catherine Maccarone, 48, is on administrative leave while Longview Public Schools carries out its internal investigation of the September 12 incident, the district said Friday. In the 911 call, the child said the driver passed three red lights, and “there’s still kids on the there.” The driver was wobbling, the child said, and in her eyes “you can tell she was drunk.” The 911 communications center contacted the school district transportation office and the bus driver was stopped, the Longview Police Department said in a September 13 Facebook post. Responding police officers “smelled an obvious odor of intoxicants coming from Maccarone,” the post said. There were no children on board at the time of the arrest, police said, but she had just completed two afternoon bus routes. Maccarone was arrested and charged with two counts of reckless endangerment and DUI, police said, adding that additional charges could come after the investigation is finished.

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Boner Candidate #2: 6 YEARS OLD IS OLD ENOUGH TO BE ARRESTED

A reserve officer with the Orlando Police Department was terminated Monday after he arrested two 6-year-old children last week without the proper approval, Chief Orlando Rolón said. The 6-year-olds, one boy and one girl, faced misdemeanor battery charges but will not be prosecuted, Aramis Ayala, the state attorney who serves Orange County, Fla., said at a news conference on Monday. The state attorney’s office never intended to prosecute the children, but could not dismiss the girl’s charges until Monday, Ms. Ayala said. The boy’s charges will be dismissed once his case number is assigned, she added. “I refuse to knowingly play any role in the school-to-prison pipeline at any age,” Ms. Ayala said. “These very young children are to be protected, nurtured and disciplined in a manner that does not rely on the criminal justice system to do it.”

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Boner Candidate #3: I JUST GOT THESE NEW CHOPPERS, I MIGHT AS WELL USE THEM.

A New Port Richey man flashed a 100-watt smile while having his mugshot taken Friday following his fifth driving under the influence arrest. Pasco County Sheriff’s deputies arrested Gordon Ormond, 56, of Kiowa Drive after he violated multiple traffic laws while driving on Embassy Boulevard in Port Richey, according to the deputies. Deputies said Ormond ran a red light at the intersection of Glen Moor Lane while driving at a speed of 15 mph. Deputies used their lights and sirens to signal Ormond to pull over, but he continued driving erratically, striking a basketball hoop in a driveway. Ormond then sped up to about 35 mph in an attempt to elude deputies, they said. Finally, deputies laid down stop sticks in the road ahead of Ormond. Ormond stopped his car when three out of four of his tires were deflated by the stop sticks.

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