Boners

Boner of the Day for September 26th, 2019

Round One

Boner Candidate #1: NO CARS ALLOWED, MIKE.

Vice President Mike Pence sparked outrage on social media Saturday when he traveled in the first-ever motorcade to drive down the streets of Michigan’s car-free Mackinac Island, HuffPost reported. Pence, who traveled to the island for the Mackinac Republican Leadership Conference, was the first sitting vice president to ever visit the island, according to the Detroit Free Press. However, former presidents Harry Truman, John F. Kennedy, Gerald Ford, George H.W. Bush and Bill Clinton all visited the island while respecting its 121-year prohibition on cars, according to HuffPost. Ford, the only sitting president to visit the island, rode around in a horse-drawn carriage, though the secret service did stash a car on the island in case of an emergency. Read More 

Boner Candidate #2: HONEY DID YOU ORDER THIS STD?

When Tanya Delfin of Denver opened the cardboard box from St. George crafts store Wood Creations Dixie last Wednesday, she found the raw wood cutout she had ordered the week before.
But she also saw something she didn’t recognize — a large cylindrical container. “I was like, ‘Oh my gosh, Tanya, did you order something you didn’t need?’” Delfin said. She opened it and found a second cylinder, one that made it clear the container likely hadn’t come from any craft store. It said “biohazard.” After looking at the enclosed documents, Delfin realized she was in possession of someone’s test for sexually transmitted diseases. “And we immediately were like, ‘OK, don’t touch anything,’” she said. Read More

Boner Candidate #3: BOONIE HAT

A suspected bank robber dubbed the ‘boonie hat bandit” by police was arrested Tuesday night. Dennis Leota, 40, was arrested Tuesday night in Saratoga Springs by the FBI Violent Crimes Task Force. The man is suspected in at least two bank robberies and he was identified via a tip that came in to authorities from social media. Leota was booked into the Davis County Jail. Read More

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Round Two

Boner Candidate #1: NO FREE BEER FOR YOU.

What began ten days ago as a college football fan’s dream come true of a year worth of free cheap beer has come to a sobering end thanks to pair of recently surfaced insensitive tweets the man wrote when he was 16.  The fan, Carson King, gained national attention when he appeared on ESPN’s College GameDay during a nationally televised rivalry game between The University of Iowa and Iowa State. For a few moments, King was caught in the show’s camera frame with a sign reading: “Busch Light Supply Needs Replenished.”  As a joke, King included his Venmo account number on the off chance some fellow Busch drinker would spare a few dollars. Hundreds of people obliged.  Hundreds of dollars came soaring in from strangers hoping to help King drink for free. The simple sign reportedly earned King $400 in less than 30 minutes. With contributions swelling, King announced he would forfeit the money and donate all the funds to the Stead Family Children’s Hospital. That announcement quickly brought in thousands and then tens of thousands of dollars. Venmo even announced they would match all of King’s donations. By late Tuesday, the account had brought in over 1.14 million dollars. Read More 

Boner Candidate #2: IT’S HOT.

Metro Police have charged a woman with public indecency after she was found walking along Charlotte Pike completely nude last month. According to Metro Police arrest records, 35-year-old Princess Denise Day was seen by officers walking on the sidewalk along Charlotte Pike and 53rd Avenue North completely nude exposing her breasts, buttocks, and genital area. When officers approached Day, she put on a large t-shirt she was carrying. Officers asked Day why she was walking along Charlotte Pike completely nude and she replied “because it’s hot.” She said she was going to a friend’s house but that she was now going to turn around and go home because of the heat. Investigators say Day did not appear to be under the influence at the time of her arrest and had no outstanding warrants. She is scheduled to appear in court in October. Read More 

Boner Candidate #3: WE DIDN’T MEAN TO DO THAT

White House Sends Impeachment Talking Points to Democrats, Then Tries to Recall Them. “They’re complete Orwellian lies and toxic trash,” Representative Bill Pascrell Jr., a Democrat who received the message, said of the talking points. (He did not use them). The White House sent top Democratic lawmakers a list of talking points to counter “myths” it said were being spread by Democrats.CreditCreditSamuel Corum for The New York Times. Read More 

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