Boner of the Day

Boner (Round One and Two) for December 6th, 2018

Round One

Boner Candidate #1: THE FLYING PLHALLUS IS A FINE MILITARY TRADITION

The penis-shaped flight path aroused controversy when it appeared over Southern California in October. Two Marine pilots have been disciplined for making a penis-shaped flight path over the skies of Southern California in October. But officials said the two pilots, whose names were not released, will be allowed to keep their wings, according to the Marine Corps Times. “Two Marine Corps aviators were administratively disciplined following the completion of an investigation into the facts and circumstances surrounding an October 23 irregular flight pattern that resulted in an obscene image,” Maj. Josef Patterson, a spokesman with the 3rd Marine Aircraft Wing, told Marine Corps Times. The Marines did not release details of the punishment given to the pilots because the discipline was administrative in nature, according to The Hill.

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Boner Candidate #2: THOSE FRIES JUST AREN’T GOOD WHEN YOU LET THEM GET COLD.

A driver is counting the cost of a very expensive McDonald’s after his car was seized when he was caught speeding. The motorist told officers that he was concerned that his food might get cold after he overtook an unmarked police car on a single-track road in Sheffield. However, after his details were checked it was found that he wasn’t insured so his VW Golf was seized by police. The car was found to be uninsured so police seized it (Picture: SWNS) A spokesman for South Yorkshire Police said: ‘It’s been a positive night shift on the beat. ‘This vehicle’s driver decided to overtake our officers in an unmarked vehicle at excessive speeds, putting everyone’s life at risk. ‘All because he didn’t want his McDonald’s to go cold. It just so happened this vehicle wasn’t insured either.
‘It’s safe to say the driver wasn’t “lovin it”.

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Boner Candidate #3:THAT’S THE LAST TIME I GO TO DR. IGNORANT

An upstate mom blasted her dentist as “Dr. Ignorant” for telling her she needed to stop breastfeeding in an exam room. Mother-of-two Tiffany Elliott, from Irondequoit in suburban Rochester, said she was “beside herself” after being “shamed” by her dentist, Dr. Robin Craig, for starting to breastfeed her 9-month-old daughter, Ember, during her older daughter’s appointment. “I had Ember cradled and one hand at the bottom of my shirt, with ZERO skin exposed. Dr. Ignorant then says, ‘Ok I’m uncomfortable and whatever you are doing there needs to stop!’, while motioning around her chest with her hands frantically,” Elliott, 30, wrote on Facebook Saturday. “My jaw dropped you guys!” Elliott said she explained that based on a 1994 state law, she has a right to breastfeed her child in any public location. “Her ignorance and comfort level does NOT trump my baby’s needs,” she wrote. But Craig brushed it off, suggesting the family find a new dentist, Elliott said.

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Round Two

Boner Candidate #1:HE DID A COSBY AT A TIGER WOODS RESTAURANT

A Florida neurologist was busted this week for allegedly slipping crushed sleeping and anti-anxiety pills into his dinner date’s martini, authorities said. A customer at the upscale Greek restaurant Ouzo Bay in Boca Raton said they saw Dr. Mircea Morariu pour white powder into a woman’s drink while she was in the bathroom on Sept. 10 and called the cops, WPLG reported. When the woman, Jeanette Schroeder, 57, returned to the table, she said Morariu had pushed her drink toward her and told her he wanted her to finish it. He also moved her water glass farther away, according to the outlet. Because she seemed to be slightly incoherent, the woman was taken to Boca Raton Hospital as a precaution. Cops interrogated Morariu, 50, at the scene as he left the bathroom but he denied doing anything wrong. They found a Ziploc bag in the men’s bathroom trash can with traces of zolpidem and alprazolam, commonly known as Xanax and Ambien.

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Boner Candidate #2:I WAS TIRED AND I THOUGHT I HEARD HIM OFFER ME A PLACE TO SIT DOWN

A Missouri woman is jailed on a felony sexual abuse charge after allegedly trying to force a man to perform oral sex on her, according to a court filing. Amy Nicole Parrino, 43, was arrested Sunday night after she repeatedly punched the victim and struck him with a belt, brass plate, and cell phone, cops allege. During the attack inside a Columbia residence, Parrino, who was naked, chased the man around the home before pushing him to the ground and sitting atop him. While perched on the man’s face, Parrino allegedly directed him to “eat my pussy.” The man told police that while Parrino was on top of him, he was briefly unable to breathe and was “scared to death,” as first reported by the Columbia Daily Tribune. The man told cops that he asked Parrino to leave him alone and that he “didn’t want to do anything sexual” with her. According to a probable cause affidavit, cops noted that the victim had cuts on his arms and nose, and red marks on his chest (which the man said resulted from Parrino hitting him with the belt).Parrino, seen above, and the victim live together, cops say.

Boner Candidate #3:I GOT HOT GREASE AND I AIN’T AFRAID TO USE IT.

A 61-year-old woman in Cincinnati has been arrested after dumping hot grease on another woman during an argument, police said. Charlene Thompson is facing charges of felonious assault after the attack on Sunday at a residence in the 5100 block of Hawaiian Terrace, according to an affidavit obtained by WLWT. The victim was left with severe burns to her back and arms following the alleged attack, court documents show. Thompson was scheduled to be arraigned early Wednesday, according to the station. Thompson was also being sought by police in connection to two outstanding warrants for criminal damaging or endangering, WXIX reports. She was later taken into custody at the Hamilton County Jail. A message seeking additional comment from Cincinnati police was not immediately returned Wednesday. Thompson has an extensive criminal history, according to the station, including charges of assault and other crimes in March 2008 after police said she punched a victim in the face. Those counts, however, were later dropped, WXIX reports.

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