Boner of the Day

Boner (Round One and Two) for January 11th, 2019

Round One

Boner Candidate #1: A MAN WALKS INTO A MACDONALD WITH A DEAD RACOON

A McDonald’s in California has reopened three days after a man brought the bloody carcass of a dead raccoon into the restaurant and placed it on a table. The hazardous situation unfolded just before 7 a.m. Sunday when an unidentified man was caught on Facebook live, posted by Chris Brooks, sitting alongside the critter at the chain’s Potrero Avenue and 16th Street restaurant in San Francisco. According to NBC Bay Area reporter Sam Brock, the San Francisco Department of Health gave the all clear for the chain to open its doors to the public after the disturbing incident. “This motherf—er put the raccoon on the table!” Brooks said in the video.

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Boner Candidate #2: WHY IS BELIEVING IN THE SUPREMACY OF THE WHITE RACE, RACIST?

GOP Rep. Steve King questioned how terms like “white nationalist” and “white supremacist” have become racist – comments that prompted stinging rebukes from his fellow Republicans and even a primary challenger. “White nationalist, white supremacist, Western civilization — how did that language become offensive?” the Iowa lawmaker told the New York Times in an interview published on Thursday. “Why did I sit in classes teaching me about the merits of our history and our civilization?” The remarks from King, who has been largely sidelined by the Republican Party because of his extremist views, came in a report on how the Trump administration has embraced him as part of its push to change immigration laws. Republicans blasted King, who has retweeted a message from a “Nazi sympathizer” and once said about immigration: “We can’t restore out civilization with somebody else’s babies.”

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Boner Candidate #3: HEAVEN ITSELF WILL HAVE A WALL.

An evangelical preacher is using the Bible to defend President Donald Trump’s dream of building a wall along the U.S.-Mexico border ― suggesting that even heaven will have a wall around it. Robert Jeffress, pastor of First Baptist Dallas Church in Texas and a longtime Trump supporter, appeared on “Fox & Friends” Sunday to push back on the argument from House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.) and other Democrats that the wall is “immoral.”  “The Bible says even Heaven itself is gonna have a wall around it,” Jeffress said on the show. “Not everybody is going to be allowed in. So if walls are immoral, then God is immoral.” In fact, American Christians are divided about the morality of Trump’s border wall. The Rev. John C. Dorhauer, general minister and president of the United Church of Christ, told HuffPost his denomination strongly rejects the idea that building a wall between nations is moral or biblical.

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Round Two

Boner Candidate #1: SO THE TRUTH IS THE TRUMP CAMPAIGN WAS COLLUDING WITH THE LORD, NOT THE RUSSIANS.

In an effort to stave off impeachment, James Dobson is asking Christians to fast and pray for President Trump. James Dobson recently called all Christians to pray so to protect Donald Trump from impeachment during a conference call with the group Intercessors for America, according to Patheos. Speaking to an organization focused on prayer in relation to the world and political events, Dobson claimed that the country would be left “in serious trouble” if President Trump were to be impeached. He also stated that the Lord was involved in the election of Trump and could protect him from impeachment. Dobson is also known as the founder of the organization Focus on the Family.

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Boner Candidate #2: NOTHING ON YOU, HUH? WELL, WHAT IS HANGING OUT OF YOUR BUTT MY GOOD MAN?

 A Nashville inmate claimed he “didn’t have anything on him” as a bag of pink Fentanyl was hanging from his buttocks. Kenneth A Johnson is facing news charges of assault and possession of contraband in a penal institution after the ordeal on Jan. 5. According to police affidavits and a jail incident report, Johnson was being searched on suspicion of contraband. Reports say Johnson was non-compliant and kept stating that he “didn’t have anything” despite officers reporting that a plastic bag was sticking out from between his butt cheeks. Officers administered pepper spray to Johnson’s face area and buttocks area and were able to remove the substances, which turned out to be tobacco and pink Fentanyl. At one point, an officer went to reach for one of the baggies and Johnson is accused of stepping on that officer’s hand.

Boner Candidate #3: I DROPPED YOUR FISH OFF AT THE POOL.

A man was arrested after allegedly eating his ex-girlfriend’s fish and sending her a photo of his fecal matter in a toilet in 2016, WAFB reported. The local station stated that an LSU Police Department reported that the girl gave her ex-boyfriend, along with some of his friends, permission to stay in her dorm room for an NCAA football game in October 2016. When she returned the next day she allowed the then 18-year-old Maxwell Taffin into her room to retrieve belongings before he told her, “check your fish tank” and ran out of the room, according to WBRZ. The girl told officials the fish was gone and she later received a text from Taffin’s phone that stated, “found your fish,” along with a photo of feces in a toilet, according to the reports.

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