Boner of the Day

Boner (Round One and Two) for January 2nd, 2019

Round One

Boner Candidate #1:AS I’VE ALWAYS SAID…CONSPIRACY THEORIES AND HOT TUBS ARE A RECIPE FOR DISASTER.

A California man was arrested in Davis County Tuesday after police said he bit a large chunk of a man’s ear off during an argument about conspiracy theories while in a hot tub. According to an affidavit of probable cause released in Utah’s 2nd District Court, detectives received a call Tuesday that stated a victim had been assaulted by Bryan David Boyack, 43, and a “large chunk” of his ear had been bitten off. Detectives made contact with the victim at the emergency room, the affidavit said, and were told that Boyack had bitten the victim’s ear following a conversation about big corporations and conspiracy theories while the two were in a hot tub. The victim said he worked for a big banking business, and Boyack took issue with that fact, and an “extremely heated” argument began, the affidavit said. Detectives learned that the victim locked Boyack out of his home, and Boyack picked up patio furniture and started hitting the front of the house, according to the affidavit. The victim stated he went out of the home to tell Boyack to stop damaging the home and was attacked.

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Boner Candidate #2:IT’S A PERFECT REASON TO SHOOT UP THE PLACE

Incensed that taco sauce was not included with his order, a gunman opened fire early today at a Taco Bell in Oklahoma, shooting up the restaurant’s drive-thru window, police report. According to cops, the customer picked up his order around 1:25 AM at the drive-thru window at the Oklahoma City fast food joint. But the man soon returned, yelling that employees did not include taco sauce packets with his order (the details of which are unknown). The patron, described as a black man wearing a green hoodie, apparently was so distressed by the taco sauce error, he pulled out a gun and opened fire, striking the exterior of the Taco Bell. When the shots rang out, workers locked themselves inside a bathroom. While huddled together, the employees realized that the gunman had entered the restaurant and was clambering around inside the business.

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Boner Candidate #3:BACK OFF BEVO

The Texas football program’s mascot, a large white and brown longhorn steer named Bevo, caused a stir at the Sugar Bowl on Tuesday when it knocked down its barricade and briefly charged in the direction of Georgia’s mascot , a bulldog name Uga. Uga X, an English bulldog wearing a bright red Georgia sweater, was quickly pulled out of harm’s way, but Bevo’s head and horns appeared to make contact with several people, including a couple of photographers, who scampered out of the way or were knocked down. There were no reported injuries and Bevo was quickly restrained. The incident, about an hour before kickoff, was caught on video and quickly became a sensation on social media. While it appeared to many that Bevo was advancing aggressively toward Uga X, the steer’s chief handler disputed that version of events.

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Round Two

Boner Candidate #1:A CLEAR ABUSE OF REFEREE POWER

A New Jersey referee who forced a high school wrestler to cut his dreadlocks before his match on Wednesday or forfeit altogether is under investigation and will not be assigned until the review is completed, officials said. The New Jersey State Interscholastic Athletic Association [NJSIAA] announced in a statement on Saturday that the incident which went viral this week will be investigated by state authorities. “Further, NJSIAA can confirm that those groups that assign high school wrestling referees in New Jersey will not assign the referee in question until this matter has been thoroughly reviewed. This will help to avoid disruption of events for student athletes,” Larry White, the executive director of the NJSIAA, said in a statement.

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Boner Candidate #2:PERFECT GIFTS FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE BOOBS AND ASSES

A wise man once said: “Everybody needs a bosom for a pillow. Everybody a bosom.” And if these are sentiments you find yourself agreeing with on a regular basis, then you’ll be pleased to know you can get your filthy paws on one of these very tasteful and not at all creepy boob pillows.  Ideal for the lonely, the weird and everyone in between, the pillow will set you back 16.50$ and comes with free delivery – are you going to get a better offer than that today? I don’t think you are. The pillow’s description says it is a ‘great as a gift or to keep for yourself’, which seems fair enough. It measures 15-inches across if that’s the sort of information you think will be useful, and is a sort-of weird flesh color.

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Boner Candidate #3:AH YES…TEQUILLA SHOTS AND FUN TIMES

A social media post of a Utah couple’s October trip to Lake Powell — and the moment they carved their names into the rock near an arch formation — has drawn attention from people wanting the couple cited for vandalism. The post, made Oct. 12 by Instagram user @aprildaisy_, shows a woman smiling at the camera while her significant other is facing a rock wall. The man is identified by his Instagram account, with the name Damion Sponbeck. April’s message reads: “Cheers to tequila shots and fun times. @sponbeck29 Lake Powell was so much fun with you. Also thanks for carving our names in the rock under the arch.” This is followed by a double-heart emoji and a beer g

lass emoji.

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