How anyone could call this movie terrible is a crime against all that is good and American.
THIS is RED DAWN, man. This movie changed my life! To prove how awesome this is, I’ll be writing this entire article from memory. It all starts in the town of Calumet, Colorado. Where Matt Eckert is in history class, oddly enough learning about the type of warfare we’ll be watching in this amazing example of film. Soviet paratroopers suddenly start landing outside their school. Clearly Calumet High, home of the Wolverines, is a place of SERIOUS strategic importance as they immediately open fire and deal some commie death on the the teacher and several students. Even firing rockets into the school and blowing the ever loving S— out of a school bus!
Matt’s older brother, Jed, played by a man who’s real life father was a jar of american sweat and communist tears, PATRICK MOTHER EFFING SWAYZE. Swayze rounds up his brother and a few of his buddies including Charlie Sheen and Ferris Bueller’s sister. Together they go into the woods and eat some canned food and cry a little bit before heading back into town to visit Matt and Jed’s Dad in a chainlink prison.
There they learn what’s really a happnin. WORLD WAR THREE!!!
The Wolverines start themselves a guerrilla war and make those commie bastards pay for even thinking they can step foot on US soil.