Boner Candidate #1: KINKI KELLIE IS SPRAYING AGAIN
An OnlyFans model who recently just got arrested for “spraying her urine” on more than $1500 worth of grocery store produce. The New Hampshire store has been hit with five more criminal counts for alleged pee spree at a hotel. Investigators believe that TedFord who goes by the handle “Kinki Kelli” on her Onlyfans, urinated into a hotel room’s air conditioner unit and relieved herself on comforters, blankets, curtains, and a bible. Along with being charged with defecating on the floor and placing the waste into the toilet tank. Tedford’s alleged targeting of the grocery store in February resulted in the business suffering a loss of $1500 in merchandise.
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Boner Candidate #2: YOU DON’T EVER GO BEHIND THE COUNTER AT THE MICKEY D.
A McDonald’s worker chocked a 17 year old girl on the floor after the teenager was accused of going behind the counter to get ranch dressing. Akeena Sampson, 31 is now being charged with child abuse without great bodily harm. The police state that the McDonald’s employees weren’t helping the young girl the afternoon of April 4, so she went behind the counter and got the ranch herself. As she was walking away Sampson grabbed the teen’s arm, and the girl tried to get loose before Sampson than grabbed her neck “choking her and taking her to the ground.” She continued to choke the girl on the floor, leaving her with visible injuries on her neck and elbow.
!!! WINNER !!!
Boner Candidate #3: MARRY AN INCEL OR YOU’RE OUT
Kyle Langford, a California man that seeks to change the state. He is running on the promise of making California into the “most Catholic place in the world.” In a recent interview with the running candidate he states that he would give all male undocumented immigrants and females one year to marry a “Californian incel” to avoid deportation. “The left wing demand for a ‘Democratic Andrew Tate'” seems ridiculous on its surface, but there’s a grain of truth to it, if young men continue to be pulled down these spirals, we’re going o have a thousand men like Kyle Langfords to deal with before long.”
