!!! WINNER !!!
Boner Candidate #1: GOOGLE GIVES IN TO THE TYRANT
Google has updated the Google Maps app, labeling Lake Ontario as Lake America for users in the United States. Last week President Trump signed an executive order to rename the lake that flows between the coasts of Toronto and New York. The renaming is of course meant to be a jab toward Canada during their escalating trade war. The decision for Google to comply with Donald Trump reflects the same decision they made last year, when Trump ‘renamed’ the Gulf of Mexico to the Gulf of America. “People using Maps in the U.S. will see ‘Lake America,’ those in Canada will continue to see ‘Lake Ontario,’ and those outside of the U.S. and Canada will see both names,” Google said in a statement about the change. Ontario is a historical Indigenous name, predating the creation of Canada and the United States. Since the announcement, Trump posted an A.I.-generated video depicting Canadian geese, with Trump-esque hair cuts, and semiautomatic weapons, shooting under a sign that reads “Lake America.” Prime Minister of Canada, Mark Carney, made a social media post about the situation saying, “We know that America is changing. Their trading relationships, their foreign policies, their national monuments… Canadians also know that reality means calling it Lake Ontario, then, now and always.” Doug Ford, a Canadian politician says, “No one’s going to call it Lake of America. It’s been Lake Ontario for hundreds of years. It’s going to continue being Lake Ontario. It’s just so disappointing.”
Boner Candidate #2: RANDY HAS NOT BEEN INVITED BACK TO THE SHOW
Randy Quaid has been making harshly worded social media posts about Anne Hathaway after she was casted in the upcoming “Days of Thunder” sequel. Recently Tom Cruise and Hathaway appeared together in a video announcing the sequel that will be releasing in 2028. Quaid, who starred in the original 1990 film with Tom Cruise, quickly took to social media to air his grievances. “We need Nicole [Kidman] back. Don’t be a pussy @TomCruise,” he posted . “You need the original girl. It’s not personal; it’s filmmaking. Anne isn’t sexy, because and if you haven’t noticed, she’s pregnant.” Hathaway, who is expecting her third child, has already said that she plans to “have this baby, then make the movie.” Quaid doubled down with a follow-up rant, “Anne Hathaway is a leftist, woke, horrible choice for DAYS OF THUNDER NASCAR audience who are MAGA. The sexy older chick for Tom in this film needs to be Nicole. That’s the casting that would sell the idea.” Cruise and his ex-wife, Nicole Kidman, starred in the original Days of Thunder production, but the two have not worked together since their divorce in 2001. Quaid has apparently not been asked to reprise role as Tim Daland, as made obvious by his ridicule for the production.
Boner Candidate #3: MY GUESS IS DIRECTOR PATEL HAS A FEW ‘ENCOUNTERS’ IN HIS PAST.
The FBI, in the past, has had a categorical hiring ban on applicants who have engaged in prostitution. Now, the FBI is dropping this ban and plans to allow “at least some candidates” who have had sexual encounters with prostitutes. The bureau intends to dismiss applicants who have engaged in prostitution within the last 10 years, three or more times overall or while in a position of trust. For all other candidates who have solicited sex, they will allow for consideration of the “context of the conduct.” “It is false to suggest criminal behavior like this is no longer disqualifying at the FBI… The FBI has and always will maintain some of the highest suitability standards for its applicants and employees,” the FBI said in a statement responding to concern about the change. But many can see that the Justice Department is easing standards in general. Retirements, voluntary resignations and firings at the department have encouraged them to relax on recruitment requirements while they try to replenish their ranks. The bureau has even taken steps to make it easier for its own staff to become agents as well as offering training for other federal law enforcement agencies. “If they’re moving the bar for sexual encounters to include prostitution, what is that saying about the applicant pool? They’re trying to bring in more people, which to me indicates that the applicant pool is extremely shallow right now,” said Daniel Brunner, a retired FBI agent.
