Boner Candidate #1: HIS COMMUNITY SERVICE SHOULD BE CLEANING PUBLIC TOILETS FOR AT LEAST A YEAR.
Matthew Day, a New York advertising executive, accepted a pre-trial intervention agreement after being arrested for disorderly conduct for urinating on passersby from a rooftop bar in St. Petersburg, Florida. Police said several people were struck with urine and that Day showed signs of alcohol impairment during the July incident. Under the six-month agreement, he must complete community service, undergo alcohol counseling, pay supervision fees, and avoid bars and clubs.
!!!WINNER!!!
Boner Candidate #2: MY CLIENT IS MORTIFIED BY HIS BEHAVIOR.
Austin Smith, a former Arizona state legislator and leader of the pro-Trump group Turning Point Action, was sentenced to two years of probation and barred from running for office for five years after pleading guilty to forging voter petition signatures. Prosecutors said he submitted fraudulent signatures, including that of a deceased woman, during his 2024 re-election bid, which he suspended and resigned from amid the case. The sentencing marked a sharp reversal for the 30-year-old Republican, who had promoted doubts about Arizona’s 2020 election results.
Boner Candidate #3: IS IT COMMON TO FEEL EMPTY AFTER SHOOTING YOUR GIRLFRIEND IN THE EYE?
A Minnesota man, Krystofer Brooks, 20, was charged with second-degree murder and manslaughter after his girlfriend was fatally shot in the head inside their apartment. Brooks told police the shooting was accidental and occurred while he was checking whether his firearm was unloaded and pointed it in her general direction while she sat in bed. Officers responding to a 911 call found Brooks at the scene with blood on his hands, and he later admitted he had taken a THC gummy earlier and was unsure whether he had fully removed the magazine from the gun. Brooks is being held in the Hennepin County Jail on $500,000 bond and is scheduled to appear in court.
