Boner Candidate #1: THERE IT IS. BOOM RIGHT OUT IN THE OPEN
J.D. Vance is the Republican vice presidential nominee for Donald Trump. He told a group of young conservatives yesterday, “If you listen to Rachel Maddow every night, the basic worldview that you have is that MAGA grandmas who have family dinners on Sunday and bake apple pies for their family are about to start a violent insurrection against this country, but if you listen to Alex Jones every day, you would believe that a transnational financial elite controls things in our country, that they hate our society, and oh, by the way, a lot of them are probably sex perverts too. Sorry, ladies and gentlemen, that’s actually a hell of a lot more true than Rachel Maddow’s view of society.” He went on to state that everyone in attendance believes “something that’s a little crazy.”
!!!WINNER!!!
Boner Candidate #2: TELL THOSE YOKELS AND THEIR VICIOUS DOGS I’M UTAH’S RICHEST MAN AND I’LL BUILD WHAT I WANT, WHEN I WANT AND WHERE I WANT IT.
Matthew Prince, who is Utah’s richest man, was quick to demolish two homes on his new property to set up a giant home overlooking Main Street in Park City. Matthew is attempting to set up a home that doesn’t fit the zoning laws, and doesn’t fit the character of the neighborhood. Eric Hermann, a neighbor who is in opposition of the construction said, “The bottom line is there’s no joy in Mudville. We haven’t decided if we’re going to take it to the 3rd District Court yet, but I think really until it gets beyond the city, it seems unlikely that there will be a full review of the overall project.” Matthew has since filed his own lawsuits against the Hermanns, including an allegation that the Hermann’s two Bernese Mountain Dogs are “vicious and aggressive” to the neighborhood.
Boner Candidate #3: PEOPLE SPENT DECADES TRYING TO SAVE THIS SPECIES, SO NOW LET’S SHOOT THEM.
Utah investigators are seeking those responsible for the recent killings of two endangered California condors. Faith Jolley, DWR’s public information officer stated, “It honestly is really, really frustrating for our folks. There’s a lot of people, including a lot of our biologists, other agencies that we partner with, that spend a lot of time and resources and effort into helping these species recover.” The population of these critically endangered species is now brought down to 85 California Condors remaining in the wild in northern Arizona, and southern Utah as of June 2024.
