WINNER!
Boner Candidate #1: I LOVE MY CHRISTIANS
Donald Trump really loves his Christians and put out a call to the religious right to go and vote for him. “Christians, get out and vote. Just this time. You won’t have to do it anymore, you know what? Four more years, it’ll be fixed, it’ll be fine, you won’t have to vote anymore, my beautiful Christians. I love you, Christians. I’m a Christian. I love you, you got to get out and vote. In four years, you don’t have to vote again. We’ll have it fixed so good, you’re not going to have to vote.” Spokesperson for Trump’s campaign, said in a statement, “President Trump was talking about uniting this country and bringing prosperity to every American, as opposed to the divisive political environment that has sowed so much division and even resulted in an assassination attempt.”
Boner Candidate #2: I HAD A RAMBUNCTIOUS YOUTH
Robert F. Kennedy Jr. has been brushing off sexual allegations again. Responded to an allegation of sexually assaulting his nanny, Robert Kennedy Jr. said, “Listen, I have said this from the beginning. I am not a church boy. I am not running like that. I said in my … I had a very, very rambunctious youth. I said in my announcement speech that I have so many skeletons in my closet that if, if they could all vote, I could run for king of the world. So, you know, Vanity Fair is recycling 30-year-old stories. And, I’m not, you know, going to comment on the details of any of them. But it’s, you know, I am who I am.” He would neither confirm or deny that he sexually assaulted an in home nanny, who he employed.
Boner Candidate #3: SHE’S NOT WHITE, BUT I LOVE HER ANYWAY.
J.D. Vance has been acknowledging racial attacks against his wife in an unusual waay. He responded by saying, “Look, I love my wife so much. I love her because she’s who she is. Obviously, she’s not a white person, and we’ve been accused — attacked — by some white supremacists over that, but I just — I love Usha. She’s such a good mom, she’s such a brilliant lawyer and I’m so proud of her.” Kaivan Shroff, a Democratic commentator stated, “Honestly this is such a weird way to respond to white supremacist attacks on your Indian American wife. Pathetic.”
