Boner Candidate #1: LISTEN, SOMEBODY HAD TO TELL THEM THE TRUTH ABOUT THEIR BABIES…NOT ALL OF THEM ARE CUTE.
A man dedicates his entire day outside of a Walmart in California only to tell the patrons that their babies are ugly. He caused dozens of calls to 911, and had multiple individuals sobbing in tears. Public harassment is against the law, and he was arrested. He has been causing such public distress that the district attorney is well aware of previous arrest from last summer, where he was on the beach telling the overweight patrons to ‘cover up’ or they may be mistaken for a ‘whale’.
Boner Candidate #2: HEY WE WERE JUST HAVIN’ A LITTLE FUN
A truck full of teenagers wrongfully getting their angst out by throwing eggs and water balloons, are now sought out by police after causing a concussion, and hitting a down syndrome teenager. Police say, “Throwing things from a fast-moving vehicle can cause serious bodily harm, even death.” Kimberly Lovelace “It was very traumatizing. I was hit from the back, in the back of the skull, with what felt like a gunshot.” Kimberly had a cervical fusion in her neck, and that’s where the balloon hit her.
Boner Candidate #3: THEY’RE COMMING FOR YOU KIDS AND FOR YOUR FROOT LOOPS
Dylan Mulvaney posed for a photo with Tony the Tiger at the Tony awards and conservatives are losing their minds. This was only a photo op, at an event, and not an advertisement. Joey Mannarino, right-wing conservative wrote on Twitter, “Folks, we have a new boycott to add to the list and I’m truly sorry to say it because I love this brand. The Frosted Flakes mascot, Tony the Tiger, has just posed for a photo with Dylan Mulvaney and even acted like a fan.” Tony the Tiger is grrrreeeaaat!
