!!! WINNER !!!
Boner Candidate #1: VANDALS HAVE CAUSED THE MESS IN THE REFLECTING POOL. IT HAS TO BE VANDALS, BECAUSE NOTHING IS EVER HIS FAULT.
Donald Trump’s “American flag blue” reflecting pool has turned into a huge failure, and he is now accusing “radical leftists” of using “serious products” to spawn algae at the Lincoln Memorial. Scientists have already debunked these claims, explaining that the renovation project was not done well, and that the new paint increased water temperatures, leading to more algae growth. Despite this, Trump has gone on to blame anyone he doesn’t like for turning the water green, including ABC host, Jonathan Karl. Former politician, Jeanine Pirro, has echoed the president conspiracy theories, saying that those putting ‘serious products’ into the reflecting pool could expect ‘serious charges. “Look, the president has made it a priority to make D.C. not only safe, but beautiful. And there are several citations that have been handed out to individuals, and these are cases that will be prosecuted to the full extent.” The Presidents demand for a perpetrator has already lead to 67-year-old former Olympian, David Hearn, being arrested in D.C. for allegedly putting his fingers in the reflecting pool’s dirty water.
Boner Candidate #2: AND SPEAKING OF POOLS…
A man in Thailand has been hospitalized after purposely driving his Toyota into a swimming pool after an argument with his mom. The man, 29, had instigated the altercation when he demanded his mother to pay his rent, around $1,000 a month. When his mother refused to give him the money, he got into his car and drove to Chulalongkorn University in Bangkok. There, security guards attempted to stop the man as he drove onto campus, accelerating through barriers. The man eventually drove his vehicle into the University’s swimming pool. He escaped the car and swam to safety before being taken to the hospital for his injuries. The cost of the stunt, including vehicle repairs, hospital bills, and any legal fees he must pay, will far exceed the amount of rent he was seeking help with.
Boner Candidate #3: TAXPAYER DOLLARS FOR TRANSGENDER MICE, NOT ON MY WATCH
South Carolina Rep., Nancy Mace, announced a bill that will crack down on federal funding for “transgender mice.” The “TRANS MICE Act” was addressed by Mace on X last week, where she was then flooded with replies pointing out her lack of understanding of “Trans mice”. Trans mice refers to transgenic mice which have foreign DNA in their genome, allowing them to be studied for cancer research, among other things. Not transgender mice. “Banning cancer research to own the libs,” a commenter replied. Mace then doubled down on transgender mice by sharing a link along with a post, saying, “This post is not about transgenic mice. It is about federally funded transgender-related experiments on animals.” In the link, it was claimed that “at least $241 million in federal funds had been spent on gender-transition experiments involving animals.” The bill did not cite any examples of “gender-transition experiments.” Mace’s allegations of “transgender animals” began last year, and were soon amplified by President Trump when he claimed the Biden administration had spent $8 million on changing the sex of rodents.
