Boner Candidate #1: THEY WERE KILLING THE DUCKS, SO I HAD TO DO IT.
An avid duck hunter, and seemingly enthusiast, was caught in an investigation by Virginia Conservation Police Master Officer Brian Bratton. Bratton followed the trail of eagle and bird carcasses to the home of the defendant. According to Bratton, the hunter had tried to explain the situation with Bratton quoting, “He was killing all the hawks and eagles because they were killing all the ducks he was attracting to his impoundment.”
Boner Candidate #2: IT WAS THE DEVIL THAT DID IT. IT WAS SATAN I TELL YA.
“Pillow Guy”, Mike Lindell, has accused the rigging of the 2020 election on more demonic sources, claiming it to have been the work of “Satan”. Lindell claims that, “we’re in a battle of biblical proportions, of evil and good” and that, “You know, this is a nation that turned its back on God.” Lindell is outspoken about his support of paper ballots, denouncing the use of computers. “We will not stop until we have paper ballots counted and we’re going to melt down all the voting machines and turn them into prison bars,” Lindell told ABC News.
!!! WINNER !!!
Boner Candidate #3: NOW WAIT A MINUTE. YOU SAY THERE’S A HURRICANE SEASON. WELL THAT’S NEWS TO ME.
Concluding a daily operation briefing David Richardson, the acting head of the Federal Emergency Management Agency, remarked he had not been aware the country’s hurricane season. Unaware of whether the remark was serious or a joke, staff of FEMA were left confused and dispirited. Richardson has spoken out about the comment, claiming it wasn’t a serious comment.
