Boners

Boner of the Day for May 28th, 2019

Round 1

Candidate #1: THANKS GOD SHE’S STEPPING DOWN

A State School Board committee on Friday approved new science standards for Utah public school students in grades K through five and nine through 12, but not before some pushback on the teaching of evolution and climate change.
Except for some slight tweaks, the proposed standards were approved by the Standards and Assessment Committee and will be considered for adoption at an upcoming State School Board meeting. The effort to update the standards started in late 2017, said Ricky Scott, science education specialist for the Utah State Board of Education. Friday’s committee hearing came after a lengthy process to update and write new standards and a 90-day review period, which included six public hearings.

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Candidate #2: RUB A DUB DUB IN WENDY’S TUB

Officials were sent to inspect a Florida branch of Wendy’s on Wednesday after a video emerged online showing an employee bathing in a sud-filled sink at the restaurant.  A video of the incident shows a young, barefoot man wearing only shorts climbing into an industrial kitchen sink filled with soapy water at the Wendy’s at 6477 Highway 90 West, in Milton, Santa Rosa County.  The video, which appears to have been shot on Snapchat, was shared on Facebook Tuesday alongside the caption: “I don’t suggest anyone eating at the Milton Wendy’s again” and vomit face emoji. The footage was shared over 10,000 times and attracted almost 2,000 comments. The person who shared the video does not appear to be the individual who filmed it. The person filming the video appears to say: “Oh sh*t. Take a bath, take a bath.”

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Candidate #3: WE’RE UNDER ATTACK

Two homes and a car were hit by bullets over the weekend when a group of target shooters forgot to set up a backstop.
One resident, who asked not to be identified, said she was standing in her kitchen when she heard bullets hit her window. “It zapped and it’s crackling, and it was really fast,” she said. “If it had went through both windows, it would’ve hit me.” Taking her grandson to the basement, she waited as seven shots hit her house. “It was pretty scary,” she said. “We just didn’t know who was shooting at us.” But her house isn’t the only one with battle wounds. A bullet went through the house behind hers, going through a wall, window and door. Minutes away, at the West Weber Cemetery, a woman sitting in the passenger seat of her car watched as bullets flew through the hood of her car.

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Round 2

Candidate #1: SHE SURRENDERED WITHOUT INCIDENT

A Central Florida man is accused of hiding his legless fugitive girlfriend from police by stuffing her into a plastic storage container. 48-year-old John Robert Carr Jr. of Winter Haven is charged with resisting arrest. News outlets report Carr attempted to hide 39-year-old Krystle Lee Anderson from U.S. marshals and Polk County Sheriff’s deputies Tuesday. Anderson was wanted for failing to appear in court on charges including false imprisonment related to a 2015 incident when she allegedly held people hostage at a Burger King with a BB gun. It ended in a shooting with police and she lost both legs.Authorities received a tip that Anderson was with Carr. He denied Anderson was there, but an officer had spotted Carr placing the now-4-foot-tall woman into the container. She surrendered without incident.

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Candidate #2:ARE JUDGES EVER FUNNY?

The Utah Supreme Court has suspended a city judge for making “shirty and politically charged” comments from the bench and posting “indelicate” criticism online about President Donald Trump. Judge Michael Kwan will serve a six-month suspension without pay for repeatedly violating the Utah Code of Judicial Conduct. In his 21 years as a Taylorsville Justice Court judge, the Judicial Conduct Commission has issued Kwan two letters of education and the Supreme Court has publicly reprimanded him twice for various violations. One of those reprimands involved Kwan’s “crass in-court reference to sexual conduct and a former president of the United States,” according to the court. The other addressed his political activities as the head of a nonprofit organization that criticized candidates online using his name and title as a judge. “We note that previous endeavors to help Judge Kwan correct this beh

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Candidate #3: THEM DUKE BOYS DIDN’T MAKE IT

Two Texas men are dead after trying to jump a compact car across the gap on a raised drawbridge. Louisiana State Police say it happened shortly after 2 a.m. Friday at the Black Bayou Bridge about 6 miles (9.65 kilometers) south of Lake Charles. Investigators say the bridge was closed to traffic to let a boat pass through on the Intracoastal Waterway. Witnesses say the car’s passenger pushed the gate arm up and they drove the 2016 Chevrolet Cruze up to the raised section. They backed up, then accelerated forward, trying to jump to the other side. The vehicle landed in the water and sank. State police say 23-year-old Alejandro Cazares of McAllen and 32-year-old Roberto Alejandro Moreno of Edinburg were pronounced dead at the scene.

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