Boner Candidate #1: MR. COE IS STAGGERINGLY STUPID
A 31-year-old man, Patrick Coe, was sentenced to three years in prison after permanently tattooing three young children in Newcastle, England, falsely believing the tattoos were temporary. He pleaded guilty to three counts of child cruelty, and Judge Sarah Mallett described his actions as “staggeringly stupid,” noting that the children were left in pain, at risk of infection, and permanently marked. The victims required hospital treatment and therapy, with some experiencing infections, anxiety, and lasting emotional distress as a result of the incident.
!!!WINNER!!!
Boner Candidate #2: DHS SAYS THE BABY’S MOTHER IS TO BLAME FOR THIS.
A two-month-old baby became seriously ill with respiratory distress while being held with his family at the Dilley Family Detention Center in Texas, where no doctor was available when his condition worsened. Staff called an ambulance, and the baby was treated at a hospital before being released and later deported to Mexico with his family. Congressman Joaquin Castro cited the case as evidence that detention centers are unsafe for children, while the Department of Homeland Security blamed the mother and maintained that adequate medical care is provided, despite investigations documenting healthcare complaints at the facility.
Boner Candidate #3: MULTIPLE NEWS OUTLETS SAY THIS VIDEO IS REAL…BUT, I MEAN COME ON…
U.S. Health Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. posted a workout video featuring himself and musician Kid Rock exercising together, including Kennedy plunging into an ice bath while wearing jeans. Set to Kid Rock’s song Bawitdaba, the clip promotes physical activity and “real food,” ending with the pair drinking whole milk in support of recent policy changes. The video follows legislation signed by Donald Trump allowing schools to serve whole milk again, reversing restrictions introduced under Barack Obama. Kennedy praised the move as part of his “Make America Healthy Again” agenda.
