Boner Candidate #1: DRINKIN’ BUZZBALL WITH THE HOMIE
A 25-year-old Los Angeles man, Cesar Gustavo Diaz, was sentenced to 45 days in jail after pleading no contest to misdemeanor animal cruelty for giving alcohol to a juvenile Cooper’s hawk at Amelia Mayberry Park in South Whittier. Video showed the protected raptor drinking from a BuzzBallz cocktail container, prompting an investigation by the California Department of Fish and Wildlife’s Special Operations Unit. In addition to jail time, Diaz received one year of probation, mandatory counseling and community service, a five-year ban on animal care, a ten-year firearms prohibition, and $220 in fines; Cooper’s hawks are protected under federal and state law.
!!!WINNER!!!
Boner Candidate #2: IF THIS GUY REPRESENTS UTAH’S FUTURE, WE’RE DOOMED.
Riley Beesley, vice chairman of the Utah Federation of College Republicans and a student at the University of Utah, shared and later deleted a post on X calling for the deportation of undocumented immigrants, “even the kids.” The post included an image from Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith depicting Anakin Skywalker shortly before he massacres young Jedi trainees, and it drew widespread backlash, amassing more than 568,000 views. State Rep. Andrew Stoddard condemned the post as “awful,” while Beesley said it was misinterpreted and that he does not support violence, maintaining his comments reflected his personal stance on deportation. Beesley removed the post and references to the federation from his bio, and a spokesman for the Utah Republican Party declined to comment.
Boner Candidate #3: THESE LIARS HAVE THE FULL FAITH AND SUPPORT OF TRUMP AND HIS PEOPLE
YouTuber Nick Shirley gained widespread attention for a video alleging massive fraud at state-subsidized daycares in Minneapolis, claims he made without evidence and that were amplified by Vice President JD Vance, who praised the video on X. Shirley later drew criticism after replying “EXPOSE IT ALL” to a post by YouTuber Tyler Oliveira promoting a so-called documentary about a “Jewish invasion” in New Jersey. The controversy intensified as far-right figure Laura Loomer challenged the rhetoric, while the daycare video continued circulating in right-wing media and coincided with federal efforts to withhold Medicaid funding from Minnesota.
