Boner Candidate #1: THIS IS HOW MUCH I HATE SHOPPING WITH MY WIFE
Last Month, Police in Krasnoyarsk reported a man who purposefully damaged his Toyota Corolla to fake a carjacking so he didn’t have to go shopping with his wife. This happened in April, but police disclosed the case in October. The wife reported that she believed her husbands car was stolen to the police and they found the car on Otdykha Island. There were signs of forced entry and a damaged ignition.
Boner Candidate #2: I WAS MULTI-TASKING
A Missoula man named James Howard rear-ended another vehicle while attempting to urinate into a Budweiser can while driving. When questioned by a Highway Patrol officer, Howard admitted to the act, explained he was not supposed to be driving due to multiple prior DUIs, and was found to have a blood alcohol level over three times the legal limit. Howard now faces felony aggravated DUI charges and is being held on a $10,000 bond.
!!!WINNER!!!
Boner Candidate #3: IT’S THE MABA, MAKE AMERICA BLAND AGAIN, MOVEMENT
The Trump administration directive that cracked down on political and artistic road markings has led to the scheduled removal of beloved crosswalk art in Lubbock, Texas, which features four giant pairs of glasses honoring native son Buddy Holly. This artwork is now considered “verboten” under the new policy, which states roads should be kept “free of distractions” and used for safety, not for political messages or artwork. Local officials, like the mayor of Lubbock, feel they lack the resources to legally challenge the policy, especially since Texas state officials have warned that non-compliance could lead to the withholding of state funding.
