!!! WINNER !!!
Boner Candidate #1: OH, SO NOW YOU WANT ANSWERS.
House Speaker Mike Schultz said he would like to see independent studies conducted on the impact of a massive data center in Box Elder County. “Those are fair questions to be asked,” he said in a phone call, “I want to know the answers, too.” Schultz was responding to questions about a post online from Elevate Utah, a progressive political action organization, that showed he owned 640 acres of land near the site for the data center. The Speaker confirmed he did own some property there and has since 2024, but that it is miles away from the project site and is not able to be developed. “Eight miles away as the crow flies and there’s a mountain between,” Speaker Schultz said. Schultz says he did not even speak to investor Kevin O’Leary until mid-April of this year. When asked if he supported the project, the Speaker replied, “My feeling is first off, it’s up to Box Elder County.” He added he would like to see some studies to address air and water concerns.
Boner Candidate #2: KASH PATEL’S VIP SNORKEL
FBI Director, Kash Patel, made a “business trip” to Hawaii last summer. At the time the FBI went to great lengths to note that Patel was not on vacation, highlighting his tour of the bureau’s Honolulu field office and meeting with local law enforcement. Left out of these notable events is Patels “VIP snorkel” around the USS Arizona coordinated by the military. The USS Arizona was famously sunk during the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor, and entombs over 900 deceased sailors. This comes to light amid the backlash Patel is already receiving for his use of the FBI plane for travel, where he blurred the lines of professional responsibilities and leisure activities. “It fits a pattern of Director Patel getting tangled up in unseemly distractions — this time at a site commemorating the second deadliest attack in U.S. history — instead of staying laser-focused on keeping Americans safe,” said Stacey Young, who founded Justice Connection. Snorkeling and diving are off-limits around the USS Arizona. The battleship, now a military cemetery reachable only by boat, has stood as one of the nation’s most hallowed sites. Still, the Navy and the park service have quietly allowed a handful of military and government officials responsible for management of the memorial, to swim at the site.
Boner Candidate #3: BORDER PATROL CHIEF SAYS IT’S TIME TO RESIGN…BECAUSE NOW EVERYONE KNOWS ABOUT THE WHORES.
Michael Banks, the national chief of the Border Patrol, has been known among colleagues for taking frequent trips abroad to sleep with prostitutes. Banks allegedly bragged to his coworkers and employees about paying for sex with prostitutes in Colombia and Thailand multiple times over the course of a decade. Banks’ behavior was said to have been investigated by Customs and Border Protection officials twice, including last year, but the investigation ended abruptly while Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem was in office. “I don’t know how he became the chief of the Border Patrol with his character,” a former Border Patrol agent commented, “He’s going to third-world countries to take advantage of poor f***ing women, which disgusts the hell out of me.” Four others said Banks talked freely with his subordinates about his travels and that it was known why he went, making his promotion to the top of the agency last year that much more flabbergasting.
